Finally Conected With My Soulmate

I had a dream last night that I finally connected with my soulmate,The dream was so surreal and pleasant, but when I woke up .... I felt sad, because my husband is still here. I know it sounds bad but you must first understand that I found out (or should I say our oldest daughter found out) he was having an affair with one of our employees. I have taken her to therapy, along with my yougest daughter(she doesn't know but could definately sense tension ). I confronted the woman and she was totally forthcoming with alot of information. I allowed her to keep her job, but I looked her in her eyes and said to her " I did some things when I was younger and I am not proud of them, I respect that you were honest with me, stupid but honest. I only hope that when you have your own family, you don't find yourself having this same conversation. (I do belive in karma). She stayed at the company for 2 months, untill I looked through the payroll and saw the over time hours...I then told her she lied, (she had said she never logged o/t) and she was fired. she called me on 3 occasions to tell me her mother had been hospitalizied, and she thinks it was her karma. Her mother is fine thankfully, but that was not the type of Karma I was speaking of.

I am still sickened by the whole affair. Not to mention the fact that at 4 months pregnant, the baby was lost, 1 month prior to her coming to work for us. I cannot touch him, hold him, kiss him, or let him sleep in my bed. I just can't let it go. And I also think of what kind of role model I would be for my daughters if I just pretended everything was fine . That is the cowards way out and my daughters are so strong and beautiful inside and out.I am sorry I am rambling this is my first time posting anything, and as you can tell I have alot on my mind. My friend told me I could write a book, my response was...A Trilogy.