My good friend Emma committed suicide on Tuesday, December 4, 2012. She was 16. It was such a shock that when my brother originally asked me about it, I told him it had to be a joke because I knew her & she would never do something like that. When I called her best friend & she told me it actually happened, I begged her to tell me she was joking & that it had to be a lie.

Emma never showed any signs. She was always happy & laughing. They said she fought with her parents over a boy & that it may have been impulsive but that could not be the only reason. It is so out of character. Even for an impulsive decision it is way out of character for her.

I miss her so much & I regret not spending more time with her after I left the school we were both at. We had a joke going that she & her best friend were my grandchildren. How could I miss signs? I was joking around with her on her Facebook status the day before & she seemed okay. Emma was walking around the parking lot of my school about a month or so ago & we talked for a bit. When I left the school her & I were at, I told her if she ever needed anything to call me or text me.

I felt angry at her after two days. It was a new feeling because I was never angry with her before. I knew her since I was a freshman & now I'm a senior. Never once did she anger me. I would be disappointed sometimes but never angry. I was angry that she did something like this & that people were using her death as an excuse to get out of class. I felt sad, guilty, devastated, & painstakingly numb as well.

It hurts knowing she'll never tease me about dresses or prom. We'll never walk around the town her school was in again. I'll never be able to remind her that walking in the middle of parking lots is how you get hit by cars. I'll never be able to joke about borrowing her trench coat for $15. We'll never go to the mall or watch a movie together again. We'll never have a "who's paler" contest or debate about Doritos with her best friend again.

I miss her. I wish she was back here. I wish she realized how many people cared about her. At the viewing a few hours ago, there was a long line to see her. So many people showed up. Quite a few came from out of state. I don't know what went wrong & I genuinely hope she's happy where she is.

Idk91295 Idk91295
22-25, F
Dec 7, 2012