People That Overstay Their Welcome

I reunited with a high school friend through Facebook a year ago;  2 decades had passed since we had last seen each other.  Since I was living quite far from her when we reconnected I mainly communicated with her through Messenger & then only sporadically. I was quite happy to have found her after all these years.  My husband and I moved recently close to where she lives;  the area is nice and we were kind of homesick plus the area offers better job opportunities. Since my high school friend lives so close by, ( it's a five minute ride by car ) we decided we had to reconnect in person; we communicated mostly via phone.  After exchanging a few phone conversations with her, I was feeling kind of put off by her; she monopolized the conversation taking about mundane issues & going on about her day to day problems barely acknowledging me. She did have a habit as a teenager to go on with these monologues when we did talk on the phone but I sort of put it aside as I said to myself she'd probably be more reasonable when I see her in person.

Since she wasn't doing anything special on New Year's eve ( neither were we; my hubby and I ) she invited us over; I hadn't seen her since the early 80's so I was anxious to see her in person and reconnect live, we decided to accept her invitation. Initially I was quite happy to see her; she prepared a nice buffet ; we also brought over some homemade food and a few bottles of wine. Her sister and nephew were there as well. She showed us around; it's quite nice & tastefully decorated, we exchanged a few anecdotes from our high school years and elaborated more on our respective lives.  Within the first hour I would say the atmosphere was pleasant but as the evening wore on I found myself regretting to have accepted her invitation.  She started getting into these monologues about herself; how her divorce had affected her (she's childless and is doing quite well fine financially ), how she's in the market to find herself a new beau and it's so hard to find someone decent,  what it was like to deal with certain idiots at work, how unfair her part of the inheritance was and so forth. I tried to have a sympathetic ear so did my husband but as soon as we wanted to steer the conversation towards other subjects, she always came back to HER ISSUES.  Aren't we suppose to exchange? We left her place with an unpleasant taste in our mouth.

She called me a few times afterwards and I did speak with her or shall I say LISTEN TO HER MONOLOGUE; she would go on with other issues again she's facing & wanting to be a sympathetic ear I felt I needed to show some compassion but boy do I ever regret it!  She's taking advantage of my good nature and now when she calls I try to avoid her.

She invited us for dinner last week because she wanted us to help her post an ad on the internet for her. We accepted the invitation not for the meal but just to be helpful.  It was a repeat of New Year's eve tedious time; I made up an excuse to leave early ( after my husband and I helped her with her request ).

Yesterday afternoon she called, my husband picked up the phone and whispered to me that it was HER, I told him to tell her I went to the convenience store and that I'd be back ( I had no intention of calling her back ); she'd just told him she was around the corner from our place & wanted to DROP IN to see our place and have a coffee - what could he say? Anyways she showed up, I pretended that when my hubby hung up with her I had just walked in when I greeted her.  Anyways I made coffee, I gave her a tour of the house, I offered her a snack ( she'd invited me over to her place previously so I felt I owed her one ).  She initially said she wouldn't stay long that she had to pick up her dog that someone was minding. And the nightmare began, she started monopolizing the conversation going on about ...whatever...the same **** on and on. Time was ticking away so I asked her if she wanted to stay over for dinner since my husband started fixing dinner; she declined saying she had to pick up her dog in a little bit. So she sits there and goes on and on meanwhile my husband is getting hungry so am I. I reiterate my dinner invitation, this time she accepts saying her dog can wait a little bit.  After dinner we all sit around in the living room and she keeps going on babbling as usual, but I had planned a conference call with a friend that lives faraway  ( I rarely get to speak with him so it was quite important for me ), I can't believe this MORON (HER, not my male friend ) she just stays there and listens in the conversation ( by this time my husband and I are basically ignoring her and talking away with this other friend, but she just stands there and cramps our style ).  At one point I ask her if she shouldn't leave and pick up her dog, she says the dog is used to waiting and it's not a little more time that will make a difference. The conference call with the friend eventually ends as we have a bad connection and there are parasites on the line. I finally tell my friend ( HER ) that I am tired and will soon be going to bed (  I was genuinely tired ).  She just sits on the couch and sort of ignores me, I decide to go to my bedroom and put my PJ on and come back in the living room where she's still sitting on the couch oblivious. By this time I'm practically ignoring her looking quite displeased but refraining from being totally rude.  After a few minutes I inform her that I am tired and want to go to bed, she responds with: " You didn't take a nap this afternoon" ? No, I tell her I woke up early ( 7 am and it's 10:30 pm now ) and want to go to bed. She finally catches on I gets up to get ready to leave slowly like a snail. I escort her to the door as she's blabbing away about something stupid and irrelevant, I do not respond as I do not want to encourage her to go on; I want her to bloody leave!

Now I am EXTREMELY ANGRY; half my day was wasted, I feel I could have been more assertive, I let her control me. I don't ever want to get caught up in a situation like this anymore and SHE'S never ever coming back here.  She dismissed my needs, ignoring the hints I was throwing at her and I don't think she's too dense to catch on that she overstayed her welcome. I let her stay because she previously invited me over to her place and thought I should be returning the favor.

My question is:

HOW DOES ONE DEAL IN AN EFFECTIVE MANNER WITH INDIVIDUALS LIKE THAT WITHOUT HURTING THEIR FEELINGS?

singevolant singevolant
46-50
Feb 19, 2010