I Found Out My Husband Was GayI have been married for 13 years, with 3 children, twins of 9 and a 7 year old. I have felt my marriage was wrong for the past 6 years but somehow stayed for the sake of my children. New Years Eve 6 years ago was the first time I noticed another man and the attention he paid me. Although nothing came of this night, I found myself in a huge decline for the next 6 months. My husband (who was in therapy) came home one night and told me he thought he was gay. We discussed his sexuality and I advised that he should explore this properly at the same time I put forward an argument for him being hetrosexual. I am sure at the time there was an element of survival my kids were 1 and 3 and I truely hoped he was wrong. My husband decided that my arguement was right and he was indeed hetrosexual. The subject was never discussed or brought up again.
2 years ago I found myself ever more unhappy and I explained to my husband that our lack of intimacy and sex life was really bothering me. I asked him if he wanted to stay in a relationship with me and if he wanted the same things. He assured me that he loved me and did want the same. So I put my feelings of lonliness and longing behind me and tried to work at our marriage. This became unbearable this year. I could no longer bear the pain I felt. I would look at friends and see their intimacy, I could hear how they spoke about each other and I could see romance - all things that were lacking from my relationship. I decided that the time had come for me to return to therapy. My husband, was of course immediately aware that things were dire and asked me if this was the beginning of the end. I explained that I didn't know, but that I needed to look at our relationship to see what was wrong and why I was so unhappy. I asked him outright if he was gay and he said no.
8 days later we went for a drink. My husband said he couldn't lie to me and that yes he was gay. He also told me my divorce settlement on the same night!!
I find myself heartbroken and destroyed. I have subsequently found out that he has been on a dating site for the past 18 months looking for men. All his correspondence contains lies. He has for the past years written me emails blaming me for the problems in our marriage. He told me I was having a mid life crises. And he told me if I hadn't brought things to a head he would have carried on as we were. I find it impossible to live with the deceit and his clear lack of care for me. Since he has left I have been discarded like an old doll. He is unkind and unsympathetic. The sense of devastation I feel is like nothing I have ever experienced. I blame myself, I am furious with him for his lies. I feel cheated out of my family life - my kids are my world and not seeing them every other weekend is dire. I feel I am being punished for something I could not change.
I feel for my husband that he could not come out, but feel the train wreckage and destruction he has caused to 4 innocent lives is unforgiveable.