My Father Was Financially And Personally Abusive And My Mother Just Let HimFrom my earliest, only-child infancy I had a sense that our family was not quite, right, not quite as other families. And I have happy memories of being dumped at my grandmother's house without either parent. I'm the eldest of three and I started at infants school just before my next sister was born. My mother couldn't seem to cope with anything - she was horribly apathetic and my father used to shout at her, totally exasperated by her hopeless lethargy. She forced my feet into new shoes she bought for me without taking me for a fitting - and the teachers at school loaned me the school's gym shoes because the shoes were crippling me. (Same thing happened to both my little sisters, when their turn came)
When I was a young teenager the only clothes I owned were my school uniform, which was odd considering that my father owned and ran a shop that sold clothes (admittedly the sort of clothes old ladies wore). So I even went on holiday in my school skirt and blouse (minus the tie of course). They criticised me for my friends, for mixing with the poor kids but they didn't give me the means to mix as an equal with the posh, well dressed girls who got pocket money and clothes.
I was so unhappy that I vowed to kill myself if I hadn't managed to leave home at 18, and I really would have done it, too. I was going to take Paracetamol and hide in the loft. I never felt loved although I'm thinking that I must have been because I can feel love. But my only real ambition in life was to get the hell away from my parents, and I did, and I've been happy ever since