How Can I Be A Good Parent When I Never Had One?

I am the forth out of 6 mother got around...alot. We all have our own dads...Two of us, including me dont even know who their real dad is...But she met my step dad (just recently died...thank god) when i was two. Long story short i had a horrible child hood. My step dad Ed drank all day. he abused me in every way possible-idk if it was the same for my siblings...we have all grown apart since leaving that house. My mother worked long hour days so ofcourse none of this she knew about. I got kicked out when i was 17 when they found out i was pregnant. i had an abortion. Someething that has always bothered me....
I feel like if i told every part of my childhood i would have written out a book right here. But the problems of my childhood is still very vivid to me every day. My husband, after learning about my problems had me go to counsoling...i went to a few sessions but it felt like instead of helping me cope with my past it just kept me constintly thinking about it and remembering things that i have once hidden in myself to not think about.
How can i ever tell my children one day about my past? how can i be a good mother when im so scared of repeating my childhood to them?
jwilkinson123 jwilkinson123
22-25, F
May 20, 2013