It's Been A Little Over A Year...

Hi. I'm Ally, and I'm 15.
Most people I try to talk to about this just don't seem to understand. They don't understand losing everything, and then having everything else that happened to me piled onto you. A little over a year ago, I lost my home to a fire. Story time, I guess, so I can let it all out...
I'd moved around quite a bit before, eight times to be exact, but this was the first place in the last few that I'd actually liked. It was kinda big, though it had some problems. It had a slight bug issue left from the last owners and the yard was a mess, but we'd actually gotten it all worked back up and I had a place to call home. It was the first place I'd stayed more than a year at since my parents divorced. It was nice to finally stay in one place, and we were actually planning not to leave again. But it seems the Highers had other plans. We had some big storm go through our town. The winds were really strong and they knocked down an old tree that was in our yard. It fell through the dog pen and hit our house. But it didn't fall normally, they say. It should have fell and crashed through the house, but it just managed to scrape the outside. It had somehow been pushed back with its own roots, which saved my mother and her boyfriend. We had to save the dogs and fix the house and pen. With a lot of help, we had that done in only a day or two. Most of the neighborhood had helped out.
It did no good. Three days later, we left to go to to our landlord's place. We were good friends with him, and for a little while, he made a deal with my mum's boyfriend that we didn't have to pay rent if he helped fix one of his old cars. We were only gone for a little while. I remember while we were there, as my sister played with the dogs and pet the horses, I told my mum I left a candle going in my room. She said it would be no worry because it was just a little tealight candle in a big glass bowl. But I felt something was wrong. I told her I wanted to go home. But she said no and we stayed another hour or two. We finally left around five in the evening. I remember rounding the corner and seeing smoke. My mum and her boyfriend didn't seem to think anything of it, until we turned onto our street and my mum gasped. There were some firetrucks and police, enough to block the road. We parked in the church parking lot across the street and mum's boyfriend ran to what was left of the house and Mumma tried to keep me and my sister in the car. I immediately knew what had happened and I started blaming myself. Mum left soon after and then we broke out of the car. My sister stayed with my mother, and for the first time since my mother had her suicidal phase, I saw her break. Her boyfriend showed almost no emotional, but a few days later he showed how he really felt. I was a complete wreck. I ran to the side of the house where my room had been. That side had the most damage. They said it started in my room. I cried a lot. My mother hugged me and told me to calm down. Soon, my other sister came and hugged me and told me it would be okay, but I blamed myself.
We stayed at a friend's house until the tornadoes ripped through Alabama on April 27th. It went through my mother's hometown where some of our family lived, so that hurt her even more. After that, we stayed in a hotel for two weeks. We had a lot of trouble afterwards too... The landlord let us stay in an apartment over his house. While we were there, my dad came and helped with going through the ruined house and saving stuff. Though that did little help. All we could save were some tables and chairs and a desk from Mumma's room and the living room. Everything from me and my sister's room and our living room was gone. But we learned it hadn't started from a candle. The insurance said it was from a electrical source. They said the tree hitting the house and causing such a shake had shook some loose cords and that they'd probably sparked and started smoldering in the attic until it finally just grew and burned when we weren't there.
We only stayed in that apartment for a few weeks, though we were gonna stay until our landlord finished fixing the house. We left because Mum didn't want to stay after what her boyfriend did... One morning, at like 4:30, he was up and he wanted something from my mum.. He woke her up and she wouldn't let him have it, so he got it forcefully... I was up by then because I didn't sleep well after the fire. I heard it all. I heard her moans and cries and I heard him hit her. We left after that.
Mumma found an old friend not far away. He was a pill-popper and jobless and a theif. I didn't like him from the beginning, but we had no where else to go. We went to stay with him. It was only supposed to last a few weeks or so, but it became the worse summer of my life. His house was a complete mess. The living room was a mountain of trash and only the kitchen and bathroom were the only rooms able to be walked it. I felt bad for his children, especially since one has health problems and has to live in that. He never cleaned or did any yard work. It was my sisters, my mother, and I who did all the cleaning, even my sister's boyfriend when he came over sometimes, which I felt extremely bad for, since he was my best friend. Soon, he wasn't allowed to come around as long as we were around my Mumma's friend because my friend's mother found out what kind of place he was going to.
It was when school started, which I had to move to a new one because we never left, that Mumma's friend's house was taken away. All eight that were living in that house had to leave. We went to Mumma's friend (who'd now become her new boyfreind) father's house. We had nine people living in a two bedroom house. I slept on a floor every night until this February. Mumma's new boyfriend wouldn't try to get a job, and he wouldn't let Mumma either, even if she could (she couldn't get most jobs around because of her job). For some reason she let him. He'd get drunk often, just like his father we were living with, even on Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving, he yelled at me that I was worthless and everything was my fault. It all resurfaced the thoughts that I caused all of our pain, my and my sisters' at least, because of the fire, even though it had been proven it wasn't my fault. But he totally broke me. My mother finally stepped up to him that day, but she didn't enforced him to stop. It was my little sister who got right up in his face and stood for me. He almost hit her. Since then, I've been scared of him. His anger reminded me of my mother's last boyfriend.
Since the end of February, we finally have our old place. It's mostly empty because we couldn't replace any of our stuff. We only got half of our insurance money, and Mumma's boyfriend took it all. He bought gifts for his kids with it, and when Mumma took enough to get us some clothes and an xBox, he stole the xBox. It made me very upset he'd do that, because he knew we lost everything, but he didn't seem to care. That was the point. He didn't care. But that's just a stupid point.
Mumma still messes with that guy, and her boyfriend she had at the time of the fire even though she says she's done with both of them. I think she just clings to the drama from the two men she has a horrible taste for..
We have a place now, I'm not sleeping on the floor, and I'm okay and safe. I haven't gone back to my old house, but I've gone back to that town and though about it. It's just taken me through so much and changed me a lot. I'm sure to some it sounds silly, but I've never really told anyone everything, except my best friend (who is now my boyfriend, not my sisters c:). But he doesn't really understand it all either, I don't think. I mean, he says he can only imagine it, but I don't think anyone who hasn't had it happen to them can't really understand. But I read around on this site a bit, and I'm sure there's someone out there who understands that I can talk to. I just thought after a year and all this stuff is just now fading into a better phase, I could use a little let out to welcome the coming good times with open arms...
So thank you for reading this really lo~ong entry. Sorry it's so long...Haha. :) It'd be nice for some feedback and all.. Thank you so much.
ZephyrAlexa ZephyrAlexa
13-15, F
May 12, 2012