My Mom Is Bi Polar My Dad Is Schizophrenic

When I was 7 I had the choice. Go live with my uncle or Aunt. My mom was arrested in front of my 7 yr old eyes. Handcuffed and put into the back seat of a police car. I will never forget it. She flipped out again. That is how I knew it. Flipped out. She married my biological father. He was in Vietnam and turned Schizophrenic after the war. My mom was pregnant with me and he was in a near fatal motorcyle accident. They divorced. She re married and indian man who abused us and only married her for his green card. I remember he moved us into a roach infested apartment. I was 7. That is when I had my first Cig. A seven yr old little girl clinging to an ounce of relief thru tobacco. He left us and my mom couldnt deal. She was put away. I chose to live with my aunt because I adored my older cousins. We were very close. MY aunt was very unstable. My older cousin was into gangs and was sent to a school. Anyways. I would visit my mom in her board and care house and felt so strange like this was not my mother. I didnt undertsand it. this continued and when I turned 13 I longed to know who my father was. Where did I come from. So i finally met him. Very strange because they knew about me the whole time his whole family but my Moms mother didnt want them having contact with me. I am 27 now and only have seen him 4 times in my life. It is just too much to deal with. My mom was living with my aunt for about 3 years when I was 19. I moved out at 22. She was okay on her meds. Then she flipped out again. Ended up in the hospital and hasnt been the same since. She has been hospitalized 5 times in a year and a half. The fifth time happened this morning. She was found wondering the streets by my 75 yr old grandmother. I feel so much guilt like I need to do something to help her but what can I do? I have a 4 yr old son myself and do not want to have hiim go thru what I have been thru seeing his grandmother this way. She maked me feel guilty. She tells me how she hates it in her board and care home and she makes up lies about people treating her badly to get out. I know you see movies or hear about abuse in those types of places so I do consider it but I know how she can be. I try to stay focused on my own family but it is too hard. I also feel like I always had to be older than my friends. They all have had "normal mothers" and I have always been the mother to her. I told her once finally how her life has affected mine. I get so angry at her because she says no one cares but she doesnt know how many times I cry because I cant fix her. It is totally frustrating. All I hope for is that I am a better mom to my son than my own mother was to me. I want to be happy but it is hard.

kayaonelove kayaonelove
26-30, F
6 Responses Feb 10, 2009

I think endlessrain, has a good point, you are only responsible for your own happiness, focus on your own family. Focus on yourself and your child. There isn't much more you can do sweet, she's being looked after. I think you'll be a great mum to your son. Fact your worrying about it says alot. Wish you fun and happiness in abundance.

wow sunflower...u have surcum to alot...i will pray for you and ur situation. The only thing i can say about :our situation: is that hopefully..it has made us stronger individuals..to accept love and nourture ones that are not that fortunate. but to our own mental state of mind...lets pray that we can take these situations to heart and over come them..to be better people and to be sympethetic to ones situations who are less fortunate..iam sure u have come across judgement ot ur mothers ilneess as i know i have..my in laws dont understand but how can they...they never had to endure what a child has to a mentally ill parent. please keep ur head up sunflower as i will try too...i am here if u need to vent..talk express any feeling. i know what its like to feel "boxed in"////ONE LOVE!

your story touched me becuase my mother is mentally ill as well. My mother was a perscription drug addict and tried to kill herself by nearly whacking both hands off. She has been diagnosed with multiple kinds of mental illness such as bipolar disorder and depression. I have had to visit my mother in the hospital, mental hospital, rehab and she also lived at an old folks home for a while because after she hurt herself she couldn't take care of herself physically for a while because of the injury's. I have spent so much of my time trying to fix her or just in denial that she is as bad as she is. My parents divorced just a week before her suicide attempt. It is so difficult being a young woman and having to mother your own mother. Fortunately my mother seemed pretty mentally well for most of my childhood but things started to get bad after my uncle was killed. Also I end up being the one she always has to vent to about her feelings and her secrets because I am really one of the only people she can tell secrets too. It becomes a heavy burden because you want to help her and fix her but it's a hard load to carry. I understand to a certain extent how you must feel. I sincerely hope things go better for you and your own family.- Namaste

Thank you so much:) I know I need to worry about my own happiness and I am trying very hard. Thanks:)

Thank you for sharing your story. Do not let her blaming you control you the rest of your life. She is, unfortunately, not mentally well. Although it is natural to feel guilt for not being able to help one's loved one, at the same time, know that you are not responsible for anybody's happiness but your own.

Thank you for sharing your story. Do not let her blaming you control you the rest of your life. She is, unfortunately, not mentally well. Although it is natural to feel guilt for not being able to help one's loved one, at the same time, know that you are not responsible for anybody's happiness but your own.