If There Was Ever A Day I Needed The Sun To Shine, It Would Be Today!

After 9 years together, taking care of our 10 year old. An IUD for 7 years and 2 years with no pregnancy, we were ok. We both excepted that we would only have one child. Daniel has excepted keegan as HIS. He has never said he wanted anything more than what we have. But surprise, last wednesday I took a pregnancy test and we were pregnant 5 or 6 weeks. By friday we told Everyone!! We were so excited. And then, Monday morning i woke up bleeding. I raced to the ER. After blood test a pelvic and 2 ultasounds, they said it may be im only 2 or 3 weeks. My cervix is closed and hcg is 200 nothing showed on the ultrasound. They called it a "threatened abortion" gave me Rhogam and sent me home. Come back wednesday for bloodwork. I tried to convince myself that everything would be ok for the next 2 days. Wednesday i went for blood work....no call thursday i called 2, no results yet. My sister called to tell me her baby was a girl. Twenty minutes later I got the results. My hcg dropped to 44. I have never cried so hard in my life. Is it posible that im to sad? Am i to grief stricken? I have had so much support. My husband has been extrodinary. He said we can try again. Im still spotting but all i wanted to do was have sex. My sweet husband told me no, that we need to wait for my body to heal. I know he is right. I just want the happiness back. I feel so sad. I am trying to be ok. To look at me, you may not even know anything is wrong. On the inside im falling apart. How did this happen? Why? We werent trying, we were happy and now my wjole world is falling. Now all i can focus on is getting pregnant, I fear that i wont. Im afraid to have this pain forever. I just want to be happy. Im so unstable right now and i cant get control. I have eaten very little and when i do eat i feel so guilty and have no control. Not eating is something i CAN control. I have tried to tell myself that i dont have the right to be so upset, after all there was no baby, we only knew for 5 days. Why am i so attached to the idea of this baby? How am I ever going to be ok again?
Lostletdownangry Lostletdownangry
26-30
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

Did u get the rhogam shot after you had your first baby. If not this can cause your blood to attack the next baby if he or she is rh positive. The only way this doesn't happen is if your baby is rh negative. This will also happen If you ever had an abortion or miscarriage and didn't get the rhogam shot right after.

This is exactly how I feel currently 😔😔😔