I Have Had Three Miscarriages

I have had three miscarriages in the past 2 years.  I had the first one in March of 2009.  All I saw was grey tissue but I instantly knew that it was a miscarriage.  I went into the student health clinic on my campus and asked the nurse if I had actually had a miscarriage.  She said no, but I knew in my heart what I had seen.  I hadn't even known that I was pregnant and was using Depo-Provera at the time for birth control.

The second miscarriage happened in May of 2010.  I had terrible cervical cramping and again I knew instinctively that I was having a miscarriage.  This time the fetus was further developed with eyes and a mouth.  I must have been well into my first trimester, but the strange thing was that I had a period every month that I was pregnant and had been using condoms.  I drove down to the beach and put my angel in the ocean to return it to Mother Earth. 

The third miscarriage happened just yesterday and I saw the sac and I could see a tiny black dot (the embryo) inside.  I actually had the first part of the miscarriage last week with the brown spotting, the bright red bleeding, and the cervical cramping.  This one was conceived in the middle of June even though I was taking the pill, and was developing normally until I was rear-ended by another driver.  This time I knew that I was pregnant even though the home pregnancy tests had come back negative (it was too early for enough of the pregnancy hormone to be produced and detected by a urine test). 

Even though I was not actively trying to become pregnant and was in fact using birth control in all three cases, a part of me deep down has always wanted a baby (or three).  The losses are real and they are painful, yet in all three cases they have been ignored by health care providers and clinics and I have been told that there is no way I could have been pregnant and so there is no way that I could have had three miscarriages.  I know what I saw, and I also know that there is little to no support for women who have had miscarriages.  I found that there was no hotline I could call, no place I could go, and no one I could talk to except here: online.
motherofthreeangels motherofthreeangels
22-25, F
1 Response Jul 17, 2010

I share the experience of having lost a child. My miscarriage was at 9.5 weeks, and the few people i told keep telling me it didnt matter. I know i am a mother, and i know what happened to me. <br />
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i know its hard to stay strong.