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I Didn't Know

I suspected I was pregnant. I decided to take the test the next day, but then I got my period.

Then... well, THAT wasn't a normal period. I won't go into the gory details but... a lot of blood, a lot of pain, and so on.

E-mailed a free clinic, called my doctor. Yup... textbook case of a six-week miscarriage.

I didn't know, so I feel like I shouldn't grieve. The father doesn't understand why I'm upset... well, that's not entirely true. He says that he wishes he were upset, so we could go through it together, but I'm glad he's not.

I feel guilty, so guilty, for feeling bad about it--why do I deserve to grieve over something I didn't know I had? The father tells me not to feel guilty, but I can't help it. I thought I might be pregnant, but I kept hitting the espresso, hitting the aspirin, not getting enough sleep. It's my fault. I'm working on... getting past the grief now.
SpazzAvalanche SpazzAvalanche 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 4, 2010

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I knew for 1 day before I lost my baby and it still hurts me now. Its instinctive in us all to be a mother so don't feel guilty. Not one little bit.