I Had a Miscarriage
I was 16 when it happened. I was having sex with my bf unprotected ( i was told i could never have children because my PCOS so we didn't think much of it ) and by sum random chance I became with child. Ive wanted a baby since i was 6 since my dad walked out and my moms number one priority was work work work. Call it whatever you want lack of common sense loneliness needing to feel love whatever but i was practically dieing for a baby. I was three months late and i know my periods were irregular but not this much, so i took the test. Positive positive positive i was so happy i thought it would never happen. My age meant nothing to me i had my bfs family who i was living with a steady job a place to live everything was in order and the timing was perfect. 3 days later i topple over in the middle of my schools hallway. Everyone thought i was just having bad cramps but it was so much more than that. I felt like i was being ripped apart and as the day went on the bleeding started heavy heavy send me home from school bleeding. i had ruined two pairs of pants and looking around me at all the blood i broke down i took the test again a week later and negative. Up until a year ago my bf had no clue what had happened he had no clue that i was being eaten alive by the feeling of total failure of facing the fact that my body took an innocent life. I get sick to my stomach wen i see all my friends getting pregnant (8 of my friends are carrying right now and 6 of them already have children) it makes me mad it makes me wanna die. They don't even want a baby most of the time they have other dreams and hopes and sum of them gave their babies up. Why cant i have a baby wen i want one with all my heart but those people who could care less can have them like its cake! We were made to make life and if i cant do that what am i here for. This since has happened again twice both of which nobody knows about not even my bf. should i be this sad over something i cant control or is that more of a reason to be upset. I'm lost now and i don't know who to tell because i dont know anyone who's gone through this. even my mom used to be a surrogate and has had 10 kid including me. If u have any advice on how to move on id gladly take it. and please don't judge me because I'm 18 and want a baby its not any ones place but my own and i know for a fact that id be a better mother than most older people i just want help before i go crazy and need to be medicated.
By:
LashesBlack
Age:
18-21
,
Female
