Born Into The Father's Arms.

The past several years have just been an up and down roller coaster for me, I can't seem to find a calm point in my life.
I had a miscarriage when I was 26, my fiance, who is now my husband was in the army at the time so I rarely got to see him during those times.
The pregnancy was very unexpected because after I had Ethan I didn't think I was able to have any more because I'm diabetic and epileptic. I had seizures during the pregnancy with both my pregnancies and landed myself in the hospital several times. I was on bed rest the last few weeks I was pregnant with Ethan because 1, the epilepsy and 2 he was a big one!
The episodes of seizures came back when I was 33 weeks pregnant and I was rushed to the ER. I was rushed into the emergency room from a bad epilepsy and high blood pressure experience which I won't go into. I remember waking up and crying for my husband and they told me he wasn't there so I asked if the baby was okay, they told me that he didn't make it, they had to do an emergency c-section to remove him from me. I was devastated, I probably cried for a year, and I still cry about it. I don't remember a lot of it but I do remember I was alone in the hospital room trying to call family members and friend, I was looking for someone that could help but of course my husband couldn't pick up and my sister was asleep, it was night time. My parents don't always keep their phones on them so what luck I got out of any of that.
I didn't know what to do, it was hard getting pregnant in the first place, I've had complications with my first one and countless complications on getting pregnant to begin with. I was still dizzy from the epileptic seizures so I was barely awake at the time and I wasn't paying attention to most of what the doctors said, all I remember is that they said he weighed around 4 pounds or so, poor baby was born stillborn. But I know it was for a reason, a reason I can't seem to figure out yet but one day I will. For now I just gotta keep living and hoping for the best for my other kids. Luckily, I was able to see my parents the next day, my daddy was there to comfort me through the hard times and he helped me a lot through it. I still grieve over it, I never thought it would be me that had to go through it, I never want to go through anything like that again. Having someone in your life who is such and inspiration really changes your perception of pain, love and sorrow. My heart really goes out to the parents that have gone through miscarriage or have lost a child - I am with strong, be brave and know that they are always listening.

Until we meet again, my son.

~ Michelle.
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28 Responses Jun 28, 2011

I got emotional reading your story as I have a seizure disorder and I feel as if I should and could have been the son my mom lost but didnt Im thankful for the life God blessed me with and I thank you for sharing such a painful experience I smile now, because not only do I see that it made you the strong beautiful woman you are, but it inspires me to reach out, even more to parents who lost they children or gave birth to one who almost didnt make it and live with complications. Thanks again, God bless you.

I'm sorry for your lose,I had a miscarriage when I were 19,I were about 27 weeks pregnant;I had an incompetent crevices . It's a tragic experience loosing a child,My boyfriend at the time was in the army.In my case I were young,and we had split up just before the miscarriage;so! we knew in the end it was for the best .But! there was a grieving process over the next year or so. We had a boy,and to this day I wonder what he would look like.Our babies are with our father now,waiting till we all meet again.

Keep faith in God!! You are a strong woman.

sorry for you loss

Wow, I'm sorry I have no words except I'm sorry you lost your little man, you went through a lot, I hope you get that reason you seek one day soon.

I would like to appolligize for those ungrateful people who made those nasty remark's, going through your miscarriage i'm sure built your character up to handle alot of circumstance's more better than before :)

So sorry for your pain. My wife and her first husbands 3rd child suffered a crib death at 6 months back in 1963. My poor wife was 19 years old at the time, Her husband was 25. He was out drinking with his friends late at night when it happened and my wife was home sleeping. She felt bad enough and was in shock but he spent the next few years making her feel guilty that she wasnt awake when it happened. Now, almost 50 years later my wife still gets morose on the anniversary of Peter's birth and death..It's tough losing a child at any age....

So deeply sorry for your pain. I understand no words could ever take that away but I truly do believe you will meet again in a happier place and time. Big hugs to you

i though you looked jewish to behonest...

this **** is the ****

you really are stupid

You are not stupid. Please don't bother with that thing

your life is exactly how it should be sad boring depressing just like you

I cannot imagine anything that difficult.. Many years ago we had a miscarriage, but was early in the second trimester. That was difficult enough. Life isn't unfair and although God loves you and has a plan, at times like that nothing makes sense. I hope you have found comfort.

WOW Girl!!! That's alot!!! Would love to sit and talk to u for a bit, u are so strong!!!Please allow me to give u a hug! Jules

SOOOOOOOOO happy that now u have a child<br />
All the best<br />
u r awondrful mom for sure<br />
bravo mom

What a terrible loss! But I know that you will see him again in time. I know that nothing I can say is much comfort.<br />
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God bless you

You did what you thought was right and do not let these people bother you. There are alot of jerks around here and people that look for things to harass members. If any of yo jerks out there do not like what I said you know where to find me so leave the lady alone.

I know! Michelle! I know! It is the worse unimaginable nightmare ever. At the time. You think. "your the only one in the world that has suffered this terrible, terrible, terrible heart breaking, heart wrenching pain"! It transpires "your not"!. OMG! My heart to, goes out to all parents/anyone! who has/have suffered this devastating awful, awful pain!

I honestly do understand all of your pain and suffering. We, my ex and I, had 7 miscarriages before we had my son, six weeks premature. We are so lucky! He is a beautiful 20 year old and is healthy! The miscarriages nearly killed me! I did not take it well at all. Then life got really hard with all the bs of everyday life and the many unfair and insane events that just came our way with careers, situations, just everything.... the lesson learned... take it one day at a time, don't over think your troubles, just get through one thing at a time... everything will work out somehow. Try to stay strong and persevere. God Bless You!

wow ur story sure was inspiring .. the amount of strength in order to live with that kind of loss is something i can only imagine ... at least you have ur family to fall back on and ur husband who is also probably going thru the same thing ... hope you do find an answer and even if you dont then at least you can hope for a future filled with joy and happiness that will help you live with the pain

first thing that popped up honestly ... sigh now my curiosity is going to get the better of me ... so much for sleeping

that is very sad, my son has had two brain operations, so i know some of your pain

Awww! :-(<br />
<br />
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how painful such an experience must have been. <br />
<br />
Be happy though for the children you do have. They're all happy, healthy & beautiful. Just like you :-)<br />
<br />
Also, be happy for the unborn son that will soon make his way into the world. May he be just as happy & healthy as your other children!<br />
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*BIG warm hugs*

Wow Im so sorry for the loss you suffered. I cant imagine what that must have been like for you but im glad to hear you are getting by and being strong for the rest of your family.

That baby boy is in heaven and is watching over his younger siblings and mommy and daddy...He probably spends most of the time with the Father and does a great job at whatever task was given to him.

That had to be so hard. Hang in there. Prayers to lift you up.

i feel sorry for your loss . however I very much like the courage and loving heart you have hope you best of luck in life

sorry to hear your story ,but glad to see that your family ,this is very good sign for you....Good and Bad days are part of our life but Family is come only one time.

Hi. Im so so sorry to hear of your loss. Over this weekend i have lost twins at 13 weeks however im sure not as far as you. I know what it feels like to be alone as my husband works abroad he came home yesterday and went away again today. <br />
Weve not had time to greive as a couple.<br />
I do hope that you manage not to forget but to move on from this keeping your baby with u in your heart as they will always be there. Praying for you xxx