I Had A Miscarriage Three Years Ago

I got pregnant two weeks after our honeymoon. We were trying for a baby and we only had sex on the weekends. But we were not expecting it to happen that soon. We were both excited when we found out and I felt like I was dreaming. But then I got gypped by mother nature. We lost the baby around seven or eight weeks. It was a missed miscarriage. I didn't know about it until I was at 11 weeks when I went to my first prenatal visit. I took it well at first but then within two days I broke down in tears. It was so hard seeing pregnant women on TV and babies and seeing them in real life too. I even had awful thoughts in my head too about pregnant women. Going to work was hard too because there were at least three other co workers there who were pregnant. I would cry at work and I would try my hardest to hide it. Luckily I didn't work all that often so I didn't have to deal with it everyday. I even had a baby doll I used and I carried her with me all over and I made my husband take care of her too. He said I was playing with it and said I make him play with it. I took it out with me in public but I always left her in a bag and left her in my car. The doll thing only lasted a week and I only grieved for a month and then I got over it. But I obsessed over miscarriages for a few months. I would spend all my time online reading about them and reading about people miscarrying and then having kids and it always made me happy to hear it because it gave me hope.

We started trying again for a baby at the end of December that year and everyday we would have sex (try to anyway) and I didn't get pregnant until April and my last period had been on March 24th and it ended on the last day of the month. Then I didn't need sex anymore and never asked for it again so we were back to being sexless rarely having it. But I had tons of emotions and all my feelings about a miscarriage came back. I feared losing it again so I thought about having an abortion. It all drove my husband crazy because he was not used to me expressing my emotions and feelings and wanting affection. I had always not been intimate and I don't like hugs or any other touching unless I wanted it. So we had a intimateless marriage and lack of affection and all of a sudden it was there. I just wanted to be held and cuddled. It took me a while to get excited about having the baby and he came out healthy that December. He is now almost a year and a half.

My miscarriage still doesn't bother me like it used to.
girlwithanxiety girlwithanxiety
26-30, F
2 Responses May 9, 2012

I'm sorry you lost your baby. It's normal to grieve for your loss.

What a nice outcome for you and your husband! Is your baby doing well?