I Was 18 Years Old And Lost My One And Only True Love

I was 18 years old and had a miscarriage. I did not understand than and I still do not til this day. Its been a year and the father and I broke up after everything happened and have not spoke since. I am engaged now and I am happy but I still feel lost. I feel like I am missing a big part of my life. No one understands around me, the only one that will listen is my fiance but he really doesnt know what to say because he never went through it. It doesnt help either that all my friends that I graduated with are all moms or mommys to be. I just dont understand why it happened to me, what did I do wrong? I was eatting everything I was suppose to and made sure I did everything right. Plus I was getting things I would need as soon as the baby was born. I worked so hard to make sure my child would have everything and than I lost it. I still dont understand and Im lost. I wish I knew why it happened to me and why I couldnt hold my child like every mother gets to. When mothers day passes no one even says anything to me. I am a mother, I just never got to hold my baby. I feel like no one understands or even realizes what I go through each and everyday. Its not easy to just forget about. My fiance always tells me to stop touching my belly because I rub it like I am still pregnant but I never notice it until he says something. I want to not feel lost anymore and I dont know how to even began to. Even when I cant be any happier in my life, I still feel lost. Im broken and hurt.
Kns2793 Kns2793
18-21, F
2 Responses May 15, 2012

you will always feel the loss

I am getting better but it still is the worse. Thank you