I Lost My Bby At 4 Month Pregnant
I was 16 yrs old, young in love
and dumb. The man i was in love with was 21 and I always have been very mature for my age, I lost my mom at 10, and ive been mentally, physically, and verbally abused by my grandmother, and I had been raped all this and more by the age of 16. Well Ken and I were sooo in love he said he wanted to marry me and start a family hes the only man who loved me and never laid a hand on me other than to comfort me,well at 16 i got pregnant i kept it from my grandparents (because i was raised not to have sex b4 marriage and they told me if i got pregnant they'd kick me out) well i went to cvs got a p test and took it, it was positive, so i went to the doctor and told them and did another test just in case, it was positive. I was officially a mommy, and Ken was a daddy, he went to the doctor appointments with me and we were happy and then he began drinking, and things began to change. He started asking me to change my mind and have a abortion, i told him no, i was going to have that baby. When i was 2 months pregnant he pushed me down the stairs in his house, telling me if i didn't abort he would kill "it" for me. I left him, walked out and was preparing myself to be a single mom, just like my mom had been, I still wasn't showing very much so big shirts kept the belly away, then one day, 2 months later Ken calls, says he wants to be in his child's life and wants to buy some stuff for the baby, he went with me to find out the sex of the baby when i was 4 months pregnant. We go to the doctor and find out were having a boy, right then and there i knew i was going to name him Leland, i hadn't picked out a middle name yet. We wen't to the baby store after the doctor and started shopping for him and getting cute lil' cowboy boots, and overalls, a camo bed set, and nighties and then Ken was ready to leave. We got to his house and we were talking about what to do, i told him that I wanted to move in with him and raise the baby together so he could have a mommy and daddy, well he still hadn't stopped drinking and i guess something i said pissed him out cause he began beating on me again. I was stupid to think he had changed, but he was a good actor :/ at 4 1/2 months old i was out with my best friend (who was pregnant also) shopping. And I felt a really bad pain in my side, I felt wet (down there) and went to the bathroom. That's when it hit me, I had lost my baby boy. The sight that i saw will never leave my mind, when the ambulance showed up and i went to the hospital i had my friend call Ken and tell him, and he come up to the hospital to see for himself. I asked him "are you happy now?" and he began to cry. The doctor said it was no question, Kens beatings is what killed my baby, I asked the doctor to tell him that and later that night Ken was in the hospital with alcohol poising, and he didn't make it. So i'm left her everyday since i was 16 to think about what i shoulda done diff to keep my son alive. I hope other girls can read this and look at it as a lesson, if a man beats on you, run the other way and don't ever go aback, as much as they say they change...They NEVER do. I am 19 now and every time a see a lil boy i wonder what my Leland would be like. He would be 3 now, but hes not with me, hes with Jesus.