Unknown Baby

My first was the hardest. I was 15 and all alone. I had been in labor for a few days before I finally convinced someone to take me to the hospital. while I was waiting for my ride I delivered the baby in the toilet. I didnt know what to do. So I held it. I was so confused and upset I never even got a chance to look to see if it was a boy or a girl. because the umbilical cord was still attached and so short, the baby was right between my legs. I think I sat on it. I dont know, everything happened so fast. I remember the doctors at the hospital asking me all kinds of questions, noone would listen to me when I said I had already had the baby. Then they pulled the blanket back and saw the baby. The immediatly gave me morphine and send me back for a dnc. I never found out the sex and I kick myself every day for not at least looking...

The baby was less than a gram underweight to be burried. I think its stupid they have those guidlines. My child was cremated along with other babies not heavy enough to meet the criteria..

There was no closure, there was no name, no gender.. Just sadness...
swfwswm swfwswm
22-25, F
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

i'm sorry ...just hurt so much ,to read this ...