Thanksgiving Surprise

I found out I was pregnant on a thursday and by tuesday i had miscarried. i barely had a few days to adjust to the news and get excited, when it was just taken from me. I was crushed and confused. Here is my story:

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 6 years and have lived together for 3. We both know we are going to share the rest of our lives together and have talked about an engagement sometime soon but a baby has been out of the picture considering we aren't where we want be in life career wise yet. I've been on the pill for 5 years so we never felt the need to use condoms too.

I found out that I was pregnant late Thanksgiving night and was in total shock. "How is this possible?" I cried a little but mostly because it was so unexpected. But luckily when I told my boyfriend he was amazingly supportive. Reassured me that we are adults and in a stable relationship. We could handle this. I went to bed that night but couldn't sleep. Still in shock. But I woke up the next morning and was happy. I felt like my body was a vessel. I had a tiny person developing inside me and it felt so special. I spent the entire weekend shopping for healthy food and prenatal vitamins. I wanted to be the healthiest possible. I brainstormed ideas of staying in shape during my pregnancy. I was suddenly so prepared to do this. I have always wanted to be a mommy more than anything and now that this chance landed in my lap unexpectedIy I felt like it was happening for a reason and totally meant to be.

My boyfriend I and talked and I expressed to him that I wanted to keep this to ourselves for a while before announcing my pregnancy. I had done some research and knew that early pregnancies are unpredictable and complications are most likely to arise before 13 weeks. However my boyfriend convinced me that everything would be fine and we should tell people sooner rather than later so we have more time to prepare.

So that Monday night we went to my grandparents house for dinner and told them and my siblings the news. They congratulated us and I felt even more excited. However I told them to keep it to themselves. I was barely 5 weeks pregnant and wanted to make sure everything was going well before announcing it to anyone except close family and friends. That same night my boyfriend told his two best friends so he had some guy support.

I don't know if it was intuition or what but the next morning (Tuesday) I woke up and had a bad feeling. I thought that it was strange that i did not have many pregnancy sympoms. i wasn't fatigued or naseous or anything. The only thing i had to prove my pregnancy was three different positive home pregnancy tests and a late period. So i couldnt help wondering if this was normal. But i just brushed off the feeling and went to work. Not much later I began to feel cramps like period cramps but I had done my research and knew that some cramping was normal as long as it wasn't accompanied by bleeding. So I just went on with my day but soon felt wet so went to the bathroom and discovered I was bleeding. A lot. Like a heavy period and cramping even more. My heart sunk immediately. I knew what this meant. I burst into tears and had to take a half day from work because I couldn't stop crying and wailing.

That night I told my boyfriend and he was so supportive. I knew he was upset that I was upset but I can't help feeling like he felt relief. Like he dodged a bullet or something.

Days later I have stopped bleeding and have seen my doctor where they did a blood test and confirmed the miscarriage. But I still feel empty. Just so empty. I no longer I feel like my body is a vessel. I feel cheated by my body. Like I wasn't woman enough to carry her own child.

My family has been really supportive also and has tried to cheer me up. My grandma has told me that this miscarriage is just my body's way of getting rid of an unhealthy pregnancy and that nothing I did caused it. I know she is right but I still feel numb. I still cry unexpectedly sometimes and swear that every baby carriage I see in public is taunting me and there are so many pregnancy and baby related commercials on tv. I am reminded everyday, several times a day of what could have been. I barely had a few days to enjoy my pregnancy and suddenly it was over. I know it will take me awhile to heal but I cannot wait for the day that I can become pregnant again and get another chance at a baby.
Womern Womern
2 Responses Dec 2, 2012

I had a miscarriage a little before thanksgiving ... Time heals all wounds. Hang in there! I tell myself these things everyday and it does get a little better (:

i had a miscarriage last thanksgiving. i started bleeding 2 days before and by thanksgiving day i had been ushered into emergency surgery and had the lost the baby. i was only 5wks and it was an unplanned/unexpected pregnancy. god bless you. it will take some time, but you will heal and you will have another pregnancy.