It Hurts

I recently had a miscarriage... A little before thanksgiving. This was something that disturbed me alot because, the way I felt about it was totally not "myself"-- how I thought I would feel.

I feel terrible because I was always the one Saying "no slip ups" or how if I got pregnant again I would abort it, or how having my daughter was enough for me. But to actually find out your pregnant again and miscarrying all in the same day... Was alot to take in all at once. Then me having BorderLine personality disorder (google it (: lol) the way I Cope and sort things out is very stressful and depressing.

Then I did it alone. The whole D&C procedure, listening to the baby's heart beat slowing get lower and lower... N the guy who it was by is a total *******. I don't even know what I was blinded by .. But that's a different story in itself...

I'm more hurt because it seems like I go through everything alone. I have no one in any of my times of needs... But in always there for someone else- always. Even this ******* who could care less about this situation.

I can't recover from this as quickly as I would like too. I've been sitting around for almost 1 month now feeling sorry for myself no matter how hard I try not 2! Wth!!! I don't get why everything always happens to ME. How come I can never be happy?
BorderlineMind BorderlineMind
22-25, F
Dec 4, 2012