You Learn To Manage The Pain But It Doesn't Go Away...

My son was 10 months old when we found out that we were expecting again. I was an only child so I wanted at least 2 kids very close in age so they could grow up together. My first child was a surprise pregnancy but my 2nd pregnancy was completely planned! Its funny how quickly you can love a small little peanut in your belly. :) I would tell my son there was a baby in mommy's belly like he could really understand me at that age. We had been to a couple check-ups and were finally at the visit where we would get to hear the baby's heartbeat... we had little brother and daddy all standing around... waiting. The nurse moved the instrument around several times and then said she would have to get a doctor. There was no heartbeat. My little peanut was not alive inside me. I had to go for an ultrasound to confirm it but all that did was break my heart twice. The doctor wanted to schedule a D&C but said there wasn't a rush if I needed to take some time. My instant thought was to get it out as soon as possible. I had to go through the weekend before I could have my baby removed. That was the worse weekend of my life. The belly that I had been talking to hours before became a nightmare and haunted me. It was a continuous reminder of the pain. The only way I could describe it was that I felt empty. The pain still exists and it has been 8 years... I don't think it will ever go away but you learn to live with the memories.

I wanted to share my story for 1 important reason... ladies if you have a miscarriage let your partner comfort you even if they don't know how. My husband was a man of very little words and the only thing he could say to me at the time was "you'll get over it with time." I held a grudge toward him for so many years after this because I felt like he was an insensitive a**hole! Even though he didn't do what I thought he should have or say what I thought he should have... he tried. I'm sure he was hurting too and just gave me all that he had. Don't lost sight of each other through the pain.
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Dec 5, 2012