Still Heart Broken

I miss my baby... Today I imagined my life with my baby he would be talking, walking and growing up making me proud. I know everything happens for a reason it just hurts.. its been over 4 years and i still hurts like i was just yesterday. I see that my boyfriends mom is 45 she had a baby recently he is now 1 year old and she thinks she might be pregnant and me I can be off birth control for months and I don get pregnant . I;m young im only 20 bu I know if i go pregnant I would give up everything and anything for my baby. Everything I would do would be for my baby I would protect him/she with my life. I see people that are expecting and I get a bit jealous because I didn't carry my baby full term. the day i lost my baby i go this pain in my heart like no other like if part of me died is a feeling that you can explain. My boyfriend now trys to understand you what i went threw but i know he just doesn't get it he think its something that i should just move on from I wish it was so easy. I know its something im always going to live with I know if i got pregnant and had a healthy pregnancy some of this pain will go away and i would be able to move ahead. sometimes i feel lonely drowned in my pain and as much as i try i cant get out. I get this pain in my stomach just thinking of that night. I wanted to scream to the top of my lungs all my pain i felt physicaly and emotionally and the worst was the pain i felt in my heart. I was young but was willing to give up everything. days like today I hate myself because I wonder what i did wrong what i could of done differently . I just want to sleep all my pain away ...........................
Jimena123 Jimena123
18-21, F
Jan 7, 2013