Beautiful Baby

I didn't think I'd get pregnant...I don't know what I thought would happen...I was in my own little world where everything was perfect, I had a perfect family, perfect friends, perfect guy that I was crazy about and he felt the same for me (we'll call him Jack for this). We both played basketball all the time, and any other sport you could think of. He lived about 5 or 6 hours away though, the only bad thing.So when I was 16 and he was 15 we didn't use a condom. We just figured it couldn't happen to us, I a few days later he went back home and he started freaking out about me maybe being pregnant. Maybe that's what got me convinced too...I thought it couldn't happen because it was only four days before my period was due and he didn't *** inside me. So Jack was getting sort of depressed before this and as you can imagine this didn't help. I took a pregnancy test that came back positive around the time that he attempted suicide. He was okay (thank God) but I was focusing all my attention on Jack and none on our little baby. I got his mum to get some help for him while I slowly caught myself rubbing my tummy and chatting to my baby subconsciously. I came to terms with the fact that I was going to be a teenage mum and actually started enjoying having someone growing inside me. I was getting excited and one day while in town I picked up a babygro and couldn't put it was a little yellow one with ducks on it, so I bought it and kept it in my room. I have a group of really close friends but for some reason I didn't tell them I was pregnant and Jack didn't know either. He had enough to deal with. I decided I would tell Jack and my best friends on the 25th of May (Jack's birthday). I was convinced I was having a girl and I knew I'd call her Kayla... don't know why but that was that. I love her so much, and even though we only had a few weeks together, I love her more than anyone or anything else imaginable. That's why I hate myself for not being able to protect her even though in reality I know its not my fault. I told my friends about Kayla a couple of months ago and once they got over the initial shock of me not only being pregnant but also losing my daughter, they're extremely supportive. I'm still close with Jack and I thought he was a lot better, so I told him about our baby. He cant deal with it though and that's okay...he'll come around... in the meantime though... I feel like I'm drowning, it was a help to tell my friends at the beginning but now its just a constant reminder. Everywhere i look there's happy mums and dads and babies....a girl I sit with at school is pregnant and I know its wrong, but I get so jealous of her. I don't understand why she gets to have a beautiful baby and yet mine was taken from me. I wish Jack would help me. I love you Kayla <3
kaylasmama kaylasmama
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

i know this i rather delayed, but i understand what you went through and what you still go through. i too am convinced my little angel was a girl, i named her Cailey. i also wish her dad could be there for me the way i want him to. but you know what, as you live your life make it a point to do your daughter proud in every task that you do. Little Cailey is the reason i try so hard at everything i do. she is my motivation. you know once you remove yourself from your own situation and look at other you realize how strong a person should be to still push on with life with this incredible pain in their hearts. You are strong, you are an impeccable woman and your daughter is so proud of you! You are not just a woman who lost her baby, you are a mother to an angel!

Awh thank you:) maybe kayla and cailey are up there together:)