Part Of My Heart

And I did not mean to downplay your rape. If you do a search for my stories, you will understand.

Julia, You have no idea how much that means to me. I actually teared up when I read your comment, believe it or not (I'm not usually a crier so it was an interesting experience). Thank you for sharing those words with me. I really needed to hear that right now. Sorry I didn't answer right away. I didn't check for anything on EP throughout the weekend. But thank you so so so much for what you've said. I named her Brianna. It means "strong, honorable". I wanted to remember her by a name, not a circumstance. I imagine she would've liked flowers. I always gather the prettiest flowers I can find when I go for a walk. I'm engaged now. And my fiancee loves Brianna as his own. She wasn't his of course, but he acts like she was. I'm warning you though, I might email you when I'm down and need someone to talk to :) Thank you again for what you wrote. It may not have been that ground-breaking for yo, but for me it probably saved my life. Thank you

That is quite all right. You can email me at any time! I really do not mind at all. I also love the name Brianna, have always loved it, and I agree that she should be remembered as a person, with a name. It shouldn't be any other way. And I also find it wonderful to hear that your fiance is so supportive. It really helps to have someone right there with you that you can lean on anytime you need the strength, someone who can listen to you, someone who can simply hold you. It helps so much.

My fiancee was actually the one who encouraged me to look for this kind of a website. He has been so understanding with everything. There were times when I just wanted to yell and scream because I was frustrated about being so calm about it all, and he would just listen to me and wait for me to calm down and be rational. The boyfriend I had by the time I was raped was anything but supportive. He made sure I always knew that the whole thing was stressing him out and that he wanted nothing to do with the baby. He wanted me to have an abortion. I didn't. And when I then met my now fiancee, he respected me even more when I got to the point of telling him about my past. He has probably helped me the most when accepting what has happened

It sounds like you are now with a really great guy. Hang onto him. My hubby is a great one too and has been very supportive of me in everything. After I was raped I didn't even want to touch a man for almost a year, until I met him. He was unbelievably loving, supportive, caring, strong.....I fell so in love with him. He is always there for me and makes me feel safe (and to me that is important). And to me it really sounds like your guy is equally wonderful.

I'm so glad to hear you've found someone who can make you feel safe. It's very important that you feel safe with your guy. My fiancee and I haven't been intimate just because I have been scared to get that close to a man. He completely understands and says that he can wait as long as it takes. He is just too sweet that I almost feel bad, but I hope I can give him the love he needs

Don't feel bad - he sounds like a wonderful man and I'm sure he understands that you just need time. I needed time before I was ready to be with a man again (although, and not to weird anyone out, I did have a couple of short relationships with women before I met my husband). And once I was ready, it happened. Now......well, again not to weird you out......and I have read it is due to low self-esteem (although I don't really know for sure), but I think about sex too much. My husband has also been supportive in this and we have "experimented" some, but only in situations where I feel completely safe. I probably shouldn't be saying all this. But anyway, your guy understands that you just need time. He loves you and cares about you I am sure.