i didn¨t even know i¨m pregnant.. something gone terribly wrong all of a sudden, with my body, nerves, thoughts.. never led a still and happy life, and i have a heavy character, but it was different this time, some strange phase that i couldn¨t  controll..
i was separating from my boyfriend then.. i taught i¨ll never tell.. to anybody..
i was so confused, still am, kinda lost and utterly alone.. pain, emptiness.. blackout..
i did tell him after some time, i couldn¨t keep it for just me.. mistake, fool to think it will do any good, it only led to another disappointment. i can¨t help myself to think he is happy with the fact i spared him from all my trouble and panic and fear and yearning and anxiety, and he didn¨t experience anything and thinks of it just as a story far away from him..
i feel simply awful.. in every possible way.. had to let it out somewhere..
neonblack neonblack
22-25, F
3 Responses Nov 4, 2007

Hi I am going thru this too. I feel so angry at my boyfriend when I see him enjoying himself having a drink going out with friends even laughing and I am in this dark place and can't seem to find the way out. I broke up with him yesterday cause I can't do this anymore I know we are suppose to move on but come on it has only been a week and a half!!!

That sounds very similar to what I went through. I am here if you ever wanna talk...even if the guy says he feels bad or that he understands he cant. It isnt his body or hormones that change. It sucks to feel alone in all of it so if you ever feel that way know that there are other women with similar experiences who would be willing to listen and offer ideas on how to cope.

I'm sorry you feel so alone. I wish I could say "you aren't" but I'm just a voice somewhere far off as well. I hope you can take some small comfort in the idea that there are women out there who have shared your feelings. Pregnancy loss is deeply personal and deeply painful at times. Especially at first. Raw and horrible. But you will heal, gradually.