Thought I Had A Miscarriage But Later Found Out I Did Not

One day after thanksgiving  last year I was told I had a miscarriage. It was the most saddest experience I believe I have ever had. I cried and cried, like it would change my circumstances. As though I would wake up pregnant again and be happy and excited and motivated again but it did not. I was mourning my first pregnancy or so I thought. I was extremely depressed but I had to deal with it and get back to work and everyday routine. I kept feeling sick and even almost fainted a few times. I bled for over a month and everyone said I was fine even the midwives and doctors until one day I get a phone call at work December 31, 2009. The lady said I need to come in for an ultrasound immediately. So I left work and went to the doctors office and went through the ultrasound and waited for the results. I was desperately hoping that they would apologize for telling me that I miscarried but that was not the case. I was called into the doctors main office as he was calling the nearest hospital and making arrangements for me to go into surgery immediately. I had an ectopic pregnancy that had to be tended to without delay otherwise my tube could rupture and I could die.... I had to relive the whole thing over again. I was three months pregnant or more still not sure, they completely removed my left tube and now I worry that I will never have the privilege to have a child of my own. I deal with the experience, but the sadness never goes away. There are times that I see woman who are pregnant and I just want to cry. I want to try again but I am so afraid. I just got my period a couple of days ago for the first time since October third and it has weighed so heavily on my heart that I have cried during mid laughter. My fiance wants to try again and I actually become upset for him even mentioning it. I feel bad cause I am not the only one that went through this. I am just so tired of feeling this uncontrollable sense of loss.          

quanta quanta
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 8, 2010

Oh hun, I feel for you. Take your time to let yourself recover emotionally and physically and then if you want, try again.<br />
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I know the feeling of when it's gone, how empty it feels and you just have the urge to replace with another one. You should communicate with your fiance and work through it together.<br />
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Best of luck.