Kicked Off The Bus

it was a very low point in my life. I was recently divorced and it was as nasty as nasty could be, I had given up and after being clean for three years, the whole time I was married, I went back to using meth.. and not only using but I started cooking it as well. from july of 2003 - feb of 2004 I had maybe slept 10 days. finally my body had enough, my spirit was already wanting to go, I felt there was no future for me, I was not allowed to be around my kids even before i went into relapse-binge mode. I wanted to die and I knew how I would do it. I set up a reaction in a closet in an abandoned house and closed the door, turned the propane burner on high and started weeping, mother f er I said to God, you and me are having words in about 2 minutes, and I leaned back and went to sleep. unfortunately or fortunately depending on how one lookes at these things my plan didnt work, the gas was low in the tank and had went out but not before burning the reaction which caused the ephederine and the Iodine crystals to burn up filling the closet with black-purple smoke. I woke up gagging wondering what the heck I was thinking something stupid like that for, I ran out of the closet and jumped into my van certain some neighbor had smelled the dope being cooked and called the cops. I didn't get far before I realized that it felt like every artery in my body was rock hard and my stomach was on fire, I took a drink of soda and this was a huge mistake.. my stomach began hurting worse. I knew i had Iodine poisoning and was probably going to die. the last thing I remember is pulling into a parking lot and shutting the van off, then everything went black. I awoke to find myself in an auditorium and there were many people there all happy and excited about where they were going, they all had tickets in their hands, I began to notice that everyone was looking at me with puzzled looks, some had sorrowful looks. I was approached by a man dressed in black who said to me what are you doing here? you have to leave you do not get to come yet and he escorted me outside. but I was determined to go, I had enough of living that sh itty life so I waited. then I saw all of these busses coming out of the sky and landing in the parking lot and all of the people in the auditorium came out clapping their hands and cheering as they got on board, I figured then was my chance so I snuck on one of the busses and crouched down. then the bus began to move and as it went up into the air the people began singing, but as I looked up the pilot looked in the rearview mirror and said you were told that you do not get to come and he landed on a cloud. i was escorted off the bus. I wept bitterly as I watched the bus depart into the sky, and even more bitterly when I began floating back into my body, when I awoke I cried for hours.