The Near Death Experience That Killed My "Life"

Sunday morning, December 21, 2003

I wanted to get in some last minute Chirstmas shopping for the kiddos and get my husband at the time and his brother some doughnuts from Dunkin' Doughnuts.  As they slept, I got dressed and went out.  I ran my errends and headed for home.  It was a nice day, sunny and not too cold.  Less than 2 block from my home a car is coming right at me!  I grab the stearing wheel, step on the brake, brace for impact and say out loud, "what the **** is this person doing!!!".....

The car stops, my face feels hot and I see a light.  As I focus to look at the damage,  the car is completely smashed, and the air bag sitting in front of me.  I am shocked, but able to move and step out of the car to see what happened from outside. 

My life changed that day forever.  My  body is busted inside, my mental state is unstable, I have developed a  fear of driving, and I died that day.  That day I died inside and that death is still with me.  The choices I have made, the feelings I have felt and feel, and the people that I have lost is my living death. 

How cruel can the world  be to give me a living death....I battle with dying every day when I can't stop crying.

darkenedheart darkenedheart
31-35, F
9 Responses Mar 6, 2007

That is really scary. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. At least your (hopefully) not physically hurt, but you're mentally scared, and I hope you feel better soon. I believe things happen for a reason. Maybe that was a call to embracing the life you almost lost.

Any pain is healed and someday you will find again you are living. I have heard similar stories from persons facing their fatality and lethality within accidents. Some having bad depressions, some have other psychological (soul) pain, some have brain disturbance after whiplash. Some whiplash injuries result in head-neck-joints-instabilities or vertebral artery dissection. Such condition is fairly underdiagnosed if not to say overseen in the most cases and this can lead to really bad psychological condition due to recurrent compression of vertebral arteries and brain stem disturbance. Many sufferers say they feel permanently like they died already, they tell they feel the hell on Earth, some are feeling as being captured in a body without interfacing capabilities to the outer and inner worlds. Some are somnolent during chronic hypoxia condition of the vertebrobasilar areas. <br />
You are not alone!<br />
<br />
I wish you healing and strength and hope. I think I can understand you as I am feeling similar for years.

when something like that happens you lose hope in everything. No amount of talking it though a stranger helps... you just learn to hide it from them and you pretend you are making progress.

:O<br />
:(<br />
th 'smileys' say it all

There are others like you. People suffering similar hells. I'm on anti-depressants for mine and praying that I'll be made whole and be happy with my family again soon. You wrote this four years ago, so please post again and let everyone know how you're doing.<br />
Take Care,<br />
Tony

There are others like you. People suffering similar hells. I'm on anti-depressants for mine and praying that I'll be made whole and be happy with my family again soon. You wrote this four years ago, so please post again and let everyone know how you're doing.<br />
Take Care,<br />
Tony

I believe you are suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, which is not uncommon with serious accidents. With therapy and maybe medication, you will be able to come to terms with this. If your friends and family did not stay to support you, that says a lot about them. I am sorry for the terrible upset to your life. All you were doing was running a few errands that would make others happy. It is not fair.

Your situation might not have been as intense as mine but your story made my eyes wet. the uncontrollable crying is embarrassing, akward, and for me it can be humiliating..I wish I could do something for me for you for everyone.....I sure am thankful to be alive though! I hope that , at the end of the day, you are

Darkenedheart, what happened? is it physical pain that is making you so unhappy? You didn't die. You weren't supposed to die. I almost died in the operating room. I didn't see any white light, I had no idea what was happening till I woke up on a respirator. I always felt that it affected me on some weird subconscious level, and made things a few shades darker. But We are still alive.