Under the Bridge

I'll spare you the life story, and try to build a quick foundation for what happened on September 26th,  2003.  I have a poly-diagnosis bi-polar / psychotic, and clinical depression caused by substance abuse and organic brain damage...or was the substance abuse caused by the poly-diagnosis???? I would go through phases of being homeless, some of these "camp outs" lasted up to four years or so.  I had taken up residence under this bridge, it gave the appearance of a subterranean lake because Bellingham bay would slap and splash on the rocks and sand a short distance below my domesticated concrete bunker.  I drank, they drank, we drank, and sometimes we would get together and do some drinking. AlthoughI was the oldest I was the one who ended up running for the  hooch, in what ever form it would come.  One day, my friend Jeremy, His girl friend, Katey, and few other kids sent me on a fateful quest for a gallon of the cheapest whiskey available.  Of course I was glad to go, as it meant there would be some drinking done, since drinking was something I liked to do.  Mission accomplished - a half mile up the hill, a half mile down, and down again through the bushes and the rocks, and the drainage and the concrete monoliths, and pipes,  I sat down.  It was a large graffiti covered cement pipe that we would walk the length of to get to our "bunkers". I listened to the water slapping for a while ..alone with a gallon of whiskey.  Time, I don't know how much,,past.  Still alone...........with the gallon. The inevitable happened and I drank an Irish toast to the sun setting across the bay,.  There were several reasons I could have wanted to check out.but hell.  I was happy and warm and drunk. What more could a man ask for?  I don't remember when I slipped into oblivion, but I carelessly got my blood alcohol up to .51.  I had stopped breathing, and at that point I don't know what my heart was doing..The kids had returned and they took to the remainder of the bottle.  I owe my life to the fact, that Katey didn't drink, she noticed despite the fading light that I was blue.  The guys tried to talk her out of it , but she ran and called 911. When the paramedics arrived, my heart had stopped and I wasn't breathing.  They put the paddles to me, and I was taken to ICU where I was on total life support for 4 days.  For me it was like this--I was sitting on the cement pipe toasting the setting sun, I blinked my eyes, and I was in a white place with tubes coming out of every hole in my body. The Doctor and the CDMHP, I don't know what that stands for but he's a shrink who reads you your rights, when you're about to be committed. He decided I wasn't worth the money, I had vomited into my lungs, so I got a real high fever 104, when the organic material in my lungs started to decay. After a few days I was given my vomit caked shirt, and my crap filled pants and sent on my merry way...I wish I could tell you about the peaceful feeling of intense love and the beautiful light that seemed to come from everywhere, and the lilting mystical music that filled my ears. God, how I wish I could tell you about that. There was none of that. It might have been the way I died.

puck61 puck61
51-55, M
23 Responses Apr 21, 2007

Well, as a matter of fact, I can feel you the peaceful easy feelings during spiritual lift and till the whole process such as entering a bright golden light tunnel with the naked people on the both sides of the tunnel. And along with a flash like phenomenon, you get into another realm of the worlds such as beautiful place with heavenly flowers all around, gold benches right after you may have saw a panoramic view screen along with your loved ones, perhaps. It is true that weyou would definitely go to the same place one day after you take off your physical embodied lifeform for sure, which by the way many people won't be able to experience in their lifetime.

Sometimes you've just got to believe. You blinked your eyes. That is how quick we are here and then gone. You blinked your eyes and you should be gone. And yet, you are here. That peaceful feeling, that intense love, they are real. He sees you and knows your value.

When I think of what EP is to me, I think of stories like this one.

I should write more confessions and anecdotal posts..It seems like I'm nothing but poems and soapboxes these days. : ) Thanks for pitchin in!

Over the years...I think of this story sometimes. So glad you are here :)

Thank you! I am too. : )

Katey is my favorite. I love her.
I'm struggling for words. That's all that's going through my mind. I'm in awe of your openness and honesty. Thanks for that. God bless Katey.

You are a great writer, and if the story is true, you should seek the light you did not see. It is there-always. Being a grateful recovering alcoholic, I know your struggles. But I also know the other life-free from burden of addiction-filled with light, so much of it that it makes me cry often.

Thanks for commenting and congratulations on your sobriety.

Thanks for sharing this captivating story.

Thanks for your comments everyone.<br />
hkitty375- You have my respect too.<br />
imabear- Well, I would have been committed if he said the word. I'm kind of glad he didn't.<br />
myephaunts- Me too! Thanks!

Well I am glad to see you stuck around Pucky! : )

I'm glad you made it - but it upsets me that the dude with all the letters in front of his name failed to realize your worth. Clearly, you are priceless.

You already had my respect.<br />
<br />
Now you have it totally.<br />
<br />
Peace always , puck.<br />
<br />
Shalom , Salaam.

Yeah, Katey saved my life for sure.

Wow. Close call.


Thank you rashi2487. It's been a long time.

your a terrific person, and i hope you will get well very soon.

A world away from now, gentle poet.

I'm speechless.......

But you have explained it to us. You have set to words an experience beyond description.

This is when we question our beliefs about serendipity, God and the cosmic consciousness. It's obvious, you had not completed your journey here. We all would not have met!

This is a story to be shared, you are in my heart, and I also thank god your still here,there is a reason for all things.

I'm glad you're here.

You're an incredibly eloquent writer. Not glossing over the story you relayed, it's just left me speechless for the moment.