Makes Me Wonder

when i was about 17 i attempted suicide. i'm not really proud of this fact, nor am i ashamed. it's just what happened after a long period of depression, self-loathing and destructiveness. I managed to put myself into a coma for 8 days after injesting the equivalent of 2 months of my medication plus some tylenol that i took to make the headache i had go away. for all intents and purposes, i should be dead. but i lived and the thing that makes me wonder is that i have absolutely no recollection of those 8 days when i was out of it....lately i've been thinking about what happens after you die..whether or not i believe in reincarnation or heaven and hell...and the thing is, i'm starting to think that maybe it's just like when i was in that coma...nothingness...
quietrocket quietrocket
22-25, F
7 Responses Dec 17, 2006

I had a bad reaction to a new medication, I don't remember much, I remember my mom trying to get me to eat something and tried to make me drink some milk, then I was in the hospital with wires and people everywhere. Then I was allowed to go home. The creepiest part is when I took the clothes I had been wearing out of the bag the shirt was cut (the emts cut it off me to administer care) and my shoes that I always just slipped on and off were unbuckled. I had no experience other than nothingness, it haunts me still, it also troubles me that I wasn't even aware that I was dying. This as well as losing my pet of 11 years and Best Friend of 20 years (which triggered my anxiety about my experience or lack of). Has resulted in severe insomnia due to the overwhelming fear of dying in my sleep. I'm frighten I will die and not know it and I am scared that my consciousness and me in general will just cease existing. Its a strange hard to explain kind of fear.

that's a sad story. i'm so sorry for your pain. you must have really been suffering to make that choice. i hope things are better for you now. BTW, i know there is an afterlife. when you finally do cross over to stay, you will see. good luck to you.

I oerdosed on meds and as they were trying to revive me I came out of my bodie,I watched what the were doing the paramedic told my mom that my heart stoped beating that it was just quivering they put me on the gerny bed to take me out and I was trying to help them(I was still out of my bodie) then just that fast I was back in my bodie Itold them I was just standng there let me up I can walk. my overdose was not on purpose:)

Heaven is real, so is Hell. The peaceful place everyone talks about is GOD's love. When I died, I remember all that happened to me. I was in a coma for 19 days, in hospital for 2 1/2 months, but remember only 1 week. The drugs I was giving stopped my mind from remember what happened to me in the hospital. While I was in the coma, they gave not drugs. I was tolded by the grandma, I died. I read my filed it said nothing about dying. It did say I was DOA until I got hospital.

interestingly enough, this entry was written a little bit ago....and my perspectives have changed even since then....perhaps there is something, perhaps not, but either way, i know things will happen as they should :)

I personallly believe that when you die you have options. To go on ( reincarnation), rest ( similar to nothingness), and to hang around. I think that when you die, time has no true meaning. I too have almost killed myself several times. At the time all I wanted was to stop the pain inside of me. It is what it is.

It is your life and nothing to be ashamed of. You belong to no one but yourself even if others think they own you. Anyone can do anything they set out to do and anyone who puts you down about it is jealous pure and simple. Hang in there I am your friend and won't put you down no matter what because you are a good person.