Fighting the Light

L ast week I had a NDE. Or at least I thought it was one. I have a history of seizures and have never experienced one like this. Normally, I see and remember nothing of the incident. I had oral surgery the previous day and was placed on pain medication. I also take several prescription medications for insomnia, anxiety and migraine headaches. I thought I could take them within reasonable spaces in time without a problem.

That night I could not sleep for several hours after I went to bed despite taking all of the medications. I have had inordinate amounts of stress that I haven't given to the Lord to handle for me. Finally I entered a sleep stage. I looked at the clock and it was about 3:30 in the morning. At some point I must have had the NDE. When I woke up 20 minutes had passed.

First I heard a "pop" on the right side of my head. I saw a bright light; total absence of color. Gradually it spread through my entire face. I heard no noise and I felt no peace or comfort. I just stood facing the light. From that moment on I could feel my body jerk like I was trying to break free. Again, I heard nothing. I remember calling out my fiance's name to help me. I begged him to wake me up. I could hear myself screaming and continued to experience tremors and quickening of my heart rate. I screamed again at my fiance to call 911. At that time I felt my breathing slow down then stop. I felt someone above me who pushed on my chest. I gasped for air and began breathing again.  The light disappeared at once, not gradually as I thought it would. I awoke shortly after still trying to catch my breath. I woke my fiancee and told him what had happened. I asked him if he pushed on my chest or listened to my heart. He heard me speak but said my voice was muffled. He saw the tremors but thought it was just a bad dream. Because he didn't believe me,  I was ashamed to tell my priest at church or any other person. I thought they'd just think I was crazy, but I know what I saw and how I felt.

Since this happened I have felt an overwhelming sense of peace and the heaviness in my heart has nearly ceased. I think God knew I wasn't ready and has sent me back for a second chance. What a blessing.