Serenity Of Me

To wake up one day and be riddled with paranoia or have every insecurity that was ever displaced to find a home nestled in you. To be so frightened that it paralyzes you,cause you're all alone left to figure out "what the hell is going on". My experience left me lost in translation,to scared to tell anyone that I see what I see/hear or believe. My mind collapsed due to extreme loss,heartache,hardship and isolation. That was 9 months ago since ,and it took place over a period of time. I just didn't know or have a understanding.My breakdown wasn't over night, a was a horrific minute{months}.. How did I get there??Not putting myself first for years,taking on the world and carrying it on my shoulders, loving someone beyond measures and losing myself. I think the last straw for me,was moving to Hawaii to get married,and my partner not showing up. Before I knew it,I had completely got stuck somewhere. It's very hard still,my faculties are back"YES"..but I know I will never be the same. I have some shame/regret/pain and I am slowly trying to understand what happen to me. Learning my triggers,what's my physical response to life. When I get to stressed,my body gets tired or I get sleepy. Sharing and being honest helps. Reading,absorbing positive healing words are medicinal.Yoga and most forms of Holistic practices helps me also. I remember I used to think this would never happen to me. I am able body,well adjusted and morally sane..but Life is Life..and we all fall down sometimes,I am thankful to have my mind,and recover,and still...
Sending all of you my hope, strength and my love..
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Mar 2, 2012