I Am So Thankful To Be Human.

My 5th time smoking Salvia was one of the best experiences I've ever had in this life.

Instant and epic appreciation of the importance, beauty and rarity
of a precious human existence - yet ******** of it's over-seriousness,
realizing interconnectedness of all consciousness and experience,
and a joyful simplicity and love for a cohesive normality.   Life is not
just a haphazard accident, it is an epic journey, orchestra, and longing
of all matter and energy to strike a balance culminating in human being.

It feels so, so, so good not to be in that cosmic car crash of a feeling,
getting ripped by nostalgia, time, non-existence and back into a body,
into a mind, into a spirit, untouched by insanity.

It felt like a plasticine, church, merry-go-round of totemic proportions,
yearning for simple acknowledgment.  Aeons of thoughts, oceans of
lives, churning into one another like waves, all experiences of every
sentient beings opened like a flood gate, pouring all over and around me,
no secrets hidden from the one global awareness which pushes and pulls
with cosmic intensity, with biblical materiality.   An overwhelming feeling
of being a momentary blip of life experience in something so vast, so
huge, that it was an honour, an absolute king's honour, a cosmic feast, an
end of the world after party to be involved.   And then the transition back
into a regular reality felt so safe, loved, perfect, sacred, meaningful,
deep, honest and truthful, but utterly affected and enriched.   So much knowledge
gained in every cell of my being that it seemed like a portal to something so rich, detailed,
familiar and omnisciently intelligent, it begs the mind back into the folds
of her infinite ocean.

The moments of clarity, where there was any sense of self attached was
seen as a nervous system clinging to it's own existence.   It felt like a time space
flesh grinder, churning the whole body into it's comical, familiar, clown-esque
samsaric nightmare ride.  The immediate feeling was to try and identify and 
pinpoint how and or why the experience was happening, and the theme and mission
or game was clearly to get out at all possible costs.  It felt like a gameshow which
all beings were participating in and simultaneously viewing on the 
"Everything TV Channel" and I began to feel when I was nearing the completion of the 
experience a sense of possible victory, an enlightenment at the
end of a tunnel - a liberation from this infinitely changing wheel composed of the
same matter - suffering plasticine.  Hungry ghosts were both jealous, and celebratory as I passed 
through the eye of the needle and develop an unnendingly deep appreciation as
though I legitimately had just won the most important lottery in existence - the
one of achieving human life - winning 1st place as a member worthy of the Gods,
situated in my sacred home address on the pedestal of eternity. As reality started 
to peel back into this frame of existence, my physical body was fighting to get out of the plastic wrapping which covered my entire being.  

A webbing trapping my ability to move in this plane and a sensation of an ominous eye, spirit, God, demon, devabeing - temptingly female in essence who watches all of the experience with patience, maturity, love and compassion.   However it felt like she was bathing me in my own karmic judgements - as though it were all part of the plan.

Powerful, powerful, powerful, powerful stuff....so indescribably horrifying,
beautiful, intriguing.

So thankful for the experience.  So thankful for the renewed juxtaposition of that experience and my current self awareness. 

May all who partake in the journey of The Shepardess, remain safe, and guided by a Higher Power, and be able to
bring back love, joy and illumination to the human plane.  Namaste

twisttie twisttie
31-35, M
Mar 15, 2010