Roommate And Ex Behind My Back...and In My Face

During sophomore year of college my roommate was a guy I met during a recruitment program and he lived in the same region I did. Things went pretty well the first semester. We got along well, played video games together, joked, etc... So midway through first semester I started dating another student; she was Asian and lived in the town as well. She was kinda my first official girlfriend, though I'd fooled around with other girls by this point. Truthfully, I wasn't really into her, but kinda dated her just for the sake of being with someone. She was pretty ditzy and her immaturity & clingy-ness would often get on my nerves. One day I went over intending to break up with her. But when I got there she was already upset because her family was moving to another state and she started going on about how I was the only person she had left there. Being that I'm not a monster who could kick a crying woman while she was down by saying "actually, you don't have me anymore either", I stayed with her. I eventually lost my virginity to her, but that's another story.

We talked on the phone over Christmas break, but when I came back to school she avoided me the whole day. That night she broke up with me via IM claiming she did it because her family wouldn't except our racial differences if they knew we were dating (I'm black). She still wanted to be friends but I was done with her; though I was kinda mad because I didn't see the relationship going further than booty calls and hanging out anyway. A few weeks later we were talking on IM and she got horny and suggested we sleep together. So we were sorta friends with benefits. I let her know up front it was just sex and we were not getting back together. After a little while she expressed she still had feelings for me, but I honestly told her I wasn't interested in another relationship with her. She wanted to still eat together everyday and do other stuff a BF would do, but I was having none of it beyond pure sex. A few more weeks of this and she got mad on my birthday because I didn't say thank you as soon as she gave me a card (I like to actually open things first and then show my gratitude in that moment). But it was kinda due since she wanted more from me than I was willing to give or trust her with. And i don't believe in the whole break up, make up cycle. Once it's over, it's over. So at that point we were entirely done.


When her and I initially got together, he would make jokes like "do I have to take my shoes off in our room now?" It wasn't mean spirited, just kinda the things guy friends do with each other. Well him and her start hanging out more and more, to which I didn't really care except he would occasionally bring her around with our group of friends. I couldn't stand her anymore. Part of it was for similar reasons I couldn't stand her while we were dating and the other is because I had received information that she had another Asian BF and possibly messed with other guys on campus while we were dating. So as I see them getting closer I warn him about her shadiness in case she put the moves on him like she did to me (she seduced me and that's kinda how we got together). Well there was a cultural conference at another school and most of my friends, including my roommate, and her came on the trip. My roommate and I decided to be roommates for the trip since we had to share hotel rooms. On the last day of the conference I woke up to her getting out of his bed that morning. I said nothing to anyone the entire drive back (roughly 7 or 8 hours), but was noticeably mad.

She hadn't talked to me on IM since we stopped fooling around, but suddenly she wrote me asking me if I was alright and if I was upset about her being in his bed. I played dumb and acted like I was upset for something entirely unrelated. She didn't write back after that. That night I point blank asked my roommate if he had feelings for her. I told him if he did I was fine with it since I had no feelings for her, but would like the courtesy of being told before waking up to what I did. He got all hyper talking about "Oh you think I'm f**king her?" He swore up and down that nothing happened between them and they were just friends. Because it would seem illogical for someone to lie about it at that point, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Fast forward a few more weeks and they are practically inseparable. One of my friends who lived in the room directly across from her said she heard them having sex late one night. In the weeks before this point I told him about her traps and that she wasn't someone who could be trusted to be honest and faithful. I also told him it would make no sense to date her since she claimed she had to end our relationship because her family wouldn't accept the racial differences. My roommate swore he wasn't into her and would tell me things she would say to him or write on IM. He made it look like she kept pursuing him, but he just kept turning her down. It was all a lie.

So sometime later after they finally made things "official", I managed to get my hands on his IM chat logs. I knew something was up before because he still had a chat history for everyone else except her (what he didn't know is there were also chat logs). Yes it was kinda low to invade his privacy in that way, but any guilt I had before doing it soon went away. After reading the logs, I realized that he'd been flirting with her since some towards the end of our dating and while we were fooling around. Though they hadn't done anything at that time, it was clear that he would say one thing to my face and then go behind my back and tell her an entirely different story. He would tell her things I said "between friends" to use to his advantage with her and vice versa. He was even worse than her because he was really lying to both of us. Even though they didn't start having full sex until shortly before my friend heard them in her room, they clearly had began fooling around some time before the conference. It was also clear that she'd put the exact same moves on him that she did with me. I wasn't hurt by her actions because I recognized she was a ***** and ****** do things like sneak around with their ex's roommate. I was hurt by him because I just didn't understand why he couldn't have been honest from the beginning when I asked if he wanted to be with her. If he'd just said yes to begin with, everything would've been cool; no awkwardness.

For the rest of the three months in the semester, we just lived in the same room and that was it. We didn't talk or hang out. I never told him I read his chat logs and knew he was 5x the backstabbing bastard he admitted to being. I didn't really let on that it bothered me that someone who was supposed to be my friend lied to me for practically no reason and actually leveraged information from our friendship to get with my ex. The reason I didn't is because she was a major drama queen and would have interpreted it to mean we were fighting over her, instead of over the principle of betrayed trust. And I knew that's what she wanted because she would occasionally inquire to see if it bothered me; to which I always denied everything. She would also get jealous if she heard I'd been messing with another girl. He was a continual coward in that he never brought her to the room when I was there and they would leave if I came in while they were there.

KARMA IS A *****...and this time it was Asian.

I transferred colleges after that semester; for reasons entirely unrelated to that situation. While I didn't take our relationship too seriously, he really fell for her...HARD. He started calling her his "wifey" and was every bit as clingy with her as she was to me. But, one day her folks showed up unexpectedly and she introduced him as a "friend", to which he was later upset. I'd also heard that she still some other Asian BF in another city she would see on the weekends. In the summer he paid to fly her out to his house to meet his family...but she never introduced him to hers. According to my friends still at the school, he started wearing a dog tag with her picture on it and never took it off. The real karma kicked in that fall when she had been spotted by multiple people coming from the dorm of one of the new black guys on campus on several occasions (maybe the "once you go black" thing isn't such a myth after all). Not too long after that she broke it off with him and started dating other guys (black of course). I tried to warn him but he just didn't listen.
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Mar 6, 2012