My Experience With My Ex-schizophrenic Fiance

I have sister that is simular. We have spent millions on Dr.s with no good results. Hope you have better luck.

It speaks volumes for you that you have been able to take this experience and make some good out of it. You are looking for answers to things you don't understand, and who knows- maybe it will be YOU who changes the world through your research.

Kudos that you've made a terrible, terrible situation into a positive one.

I suffer from schizophrenia and put several loved ones through situations just like yours. I am very impressed with your patience and understanding through what I know was a difficult time. I lost many friends and loved ones who did not have your patience and were not willing to see that there was something wrong with me other then just being moody. I have been med compliant for 10 years now without a single relapse, I am also married with a 7 year old son....there is hope for people with my condition. I know it takes incredible resolve to deal with the delusions of a schizophrenic but at the heart of the matter they are simply sick people who need help (not the people they have been portrayed inaccurately by Hollywood and TV) I can tell you that the time i spent living in my head when I was ill was the most terrifying time of my life....you literally do not know up from down etc....I hope you are able to pioneer some research in the field as i would love to see some new research and medication options....good luck and for what it is worth you have earned my respect for your patience and compassion.

Wow. That sounds so scary. You're so brave to get through it. Good luck with your research.

Kevin - by "psych model" I assume you mean psychiatric as opposed to psychological, as within psychology there are medical and psychosocial models of schizophrenia, and the medical models would be of the "take these pills, see you later" attitude, but the much less accepted psychosocial models (what I originally thought you meant by 'psych') are certainly not of that attitude - schizophrenia is thought to be the result of having an impaired ability to cope with stress (whether impaired due to physical abnormalities, psychological trauma or a mixture, which is always the most likely) which is predisposing, coupled with precipitating factors which are likely a combination of psychosocial stressors. Traumagenic models (past trauma causing vulnerability to stress) of schizophrenia have a lot of supporting evidence, such as the similarities in the brains of adult schizophrenics and abused children. For more information see isps.com.

I had a look at your website and agree with your line of thinking, just wanted to check what you meant by "psych model" so as not to give people the wrong idea about psychology in general, as there are clinical psychologists strongly opposed to the medical model. One was my lecturer, John Read, at the University of Auckland, whose books about 'schizophrenia' are worth a look at (for example, Models of Madness - see isps.com).

As to your comment "Let me know when you find a nerve that can think" - while it's reductionistic to think that single genes etc. can be responsible for the complexities of the human experience, the study of neurology is not useless - the brain is designed to respond to the social environment. When a person experiences trauma and stress, the brain changes, which can result in an impaired ability to cope with stress, regulate emotions, etc. Knowing how this happens and how to change it would be of major importance in helping people recover from schizophrenia and even preventing it from developing. It is true that when it comes to humans, the sum is greater than the whole of the parts, but the parts are still crucial, and taking a purely "Spiritual and Mental" stance is never going to explain the whole picture.

I really am glad that you shared your experience with a boyfriend who had schizophrenia and to see that you are bouncing back from the situation in a way that will contribute positively to the world. Good on ya!
I myself was diagnosed with Schizophreniform and honestly scared my family in ways similar in bizarrenes to your ex fiance's. After much struggles and thankfully the help of caring family, friends, and professionals I was able to "bounce back" and have been taking Risperdal medication faithfully for some time now. I see that when I do not take the medicine I start to become much more of a deep thinker and obsessed with what is right and wrong and it is really strange to look back on at the time but seems normal although it is not a happy state at the time. I thank God for modern information that encourages people to reduce stress, take medication if necessary, to seek social support, and to strenthen ones self in family and spiritually. I am so thankfull to be out of that dark and dreary waste of the world of psychotic thinking. Again, good job for making it through the trial that you went through to "care for" your friend. God bless and good speed in your labors to bring good knowledge of the way the human body works.

I just read your story and I am very glad that you are still alive, actually. It could have been much worse than it is now. I have been through things like that. And I myself am so thankful that your ex fiance was willing to eventually accept help. My mother was a schizophrenic, too. But she did not want to be helped, and that lead to a divorce, and her suicide. You can't help people who don't want to be helped. And that is why I'm glad to hear about your story, even though it must have felt so surreal, and gthere was a time you could not just walk away from it or escape it.. it's good that things haven't gotten worse, like with my mother.

I am also planning on finding out some things about schizophrenia and other "diseases" like that, though I know most of the reasons and the ways people start acting like this.

I'm actually proud of you that you have the will to go on and find out how these things work and make the very best of it so that maybe you can mean something to someone who needs help with his or her disease. You could make a difference and that is wonderful.

Well much love and hugs from V,

I'm Schizophrenic but don't have such extreme behaviors since I began to get psychiatric help. I would really recommend it, I was going crazy before that. Many times, I would unceasingly cry because of nothing, yell at people for dumb reasons, and even hit at times. After getting on medication, I was able to stand up and accept things. For the last two years, I was doing pretty good until I was emotionally hurt, however, it's noticeable how much better I'm dealing with it.

Yeah, even I said that I'm a chosen one or something, but, again, until I got help. I don't think I could live without my psychiatrists, just messing with the medications gradually changes me in some odd direction.

Have a link: http://lightworkers.org/node/22211
The same experience and very interesting also.

I don't know who you are, and all I know about you, or your presence, is this entry that I'm currently commenting on.

But you inspire me.

To find yourself in such an undesired place, and still stick to your other at the time, through the darkness, shows a rare brand of loyality and devotion, that so many people are afraid of commiting too. I can tell from that, that you'd make any partner you have a happy man, because you're driven by genuine concern for how others are, and not your own personal, petty wants and desires. A partner like that, is so rare to find, but reading passages like this reassure me that there ARE people like you in the world.

But in the end, despite that need to help, sometimes there reaches a point where others must handle it, and you have to let go. That, in itself, is also another hard thing to deal with, but you dealt with that too, and have continued on your life, with a new refreshing path, carrying forward into what lies ahead, out of the woods and into the city... rather than dwell stationary, or going backwards, further into the dark forest.

It's experiences like this, that show how brave you are.

Oh ! Its so sad. Hope he can be cured.
Well, if he can't be, then, I suggest you must not marry him if he is really mad !!
Its so weird to have a mad husband. Isn't it?
lol' !
In fact he doesn't needs a marriage!
He needs just friendship.
You can be that friend if you like.

You are a brilliant student, and you have a bright future .You must marry someone else of your standards,if he doesn't turns back normal.
But if you love him, be a friend to him. That will be enough for him. He won't need any more either.

YOUR EX-FIANCE DOESN'T NEEDS A WIFE. HE RATHER NEEDS A FRIEND.
Believe me.
Sex is important.
But life is not only about sex.
Friendship is a far better relation than marriage.
Emotions are the first thing in anyones life.
WE LIVE TO SEE OUR DREAMS TURN REAL. WE WANT TO MAKE OUR WISHES COME TRUE.AND WHEN THEY FAIL, OUR DREAMS BREAK, WE ARE SAD.
PEOPLE WHO ARE EMOTIONALLY WEAK , TRY TO ESCAPE FROM THE REAL PRACTICAL WORLD , AND DWELVE INTO THEIR OWN IMAGINATIVE WORLD CREATED BY THEM. AS THE DAYS PASS BY, THEY BECOME MORE AND MORE ENGROSSED IN THEIR DREAMY WORLD. DREAMY WORLD THAT ALWAYS WORKS ACCRODING TO THEIR WISH. IT NEVER DENIES ANYTHING TO THEM. WHATEVER THEY WANT THEY ALWAYS GET IT IN THAT DREAMY WORLD.
.AND WITH THIS THEY START HATING THE PRACTICAL WORLD WHICH IS FULL OF MISERIES. AND THEY ALSO START HATING THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THIS PRACTICAL WORLD.
HE HE !! THAT IS HOW PEOPLE BECOME MAD .

May be he has got some kind of mental shock or something that made him this, but he needs to be cared for now ;emotionally supported .

Mental diseases have no perfect medicine

Yes, we can use anti-depressants, and ELECTRIC SHOCKS too ! lol'

But they would only make the weak mind weaker !


A polite hand, a few words of love can change him , bring him back to REALITY.

MEDICINES ACT ON THE BRAIN, NOT ON THE MIND.
BUT FEELINGS DO TOUCH THE MIND.
MAKE HIM FEEL THAT HE HAS A FAMILY ( I MEAN HIS PARENTS) , A GIRL FRIEND, AND THEY ALL NEED HIM. MAKE HIM FEEL THAT HOW MUCH YOU ALL CARE FOR HIM.

Someone has to offer him that kind of feelings.
You were his girl friend. Are you not the best person, who can offer him that hand of friendship ?



( "I was affected by my own experience. I am now becoming a molecular and chemical biology researcher. I am now a graduate student at Kyoto University. In the future, I want to research schizophrenia" ) -----Its so great of you, but believe me, there is no chemistry that perfectly understands the functioning of human brains ! lol'
May be one day science will be able to fully understand the functioning of human brain, but that day is too far ! too far ! May be thousands, and thousands of years after, from now.

As for now you can treat him emotionally.

You know what , human brain is the most complicated machine in the world !
We don't know how it actually works, but we can use it quite efficiently.
Yes, we can use our brains ! Can't we?

So you see, you already have the best machine in the world with you. Its your own mind.
Your heart. Use that.

No other medicine, or anything can treat your boyfriend better than you can !

I felt so sad at your story.
I might have rushed to help your boy friend.
But I can't.
Its so unlucky for you to see the person, whom you love, going mad ,and telling you not to come near him any more. But don't be sad. Take the stirring of the life with strong hands and brave heart.

BELIEVE IN GOD.
BELIEVE ON YOURSELF.
BELIEVE ON THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP.
Stay near his heart.
MY BEST WISHES WITH YOU.

Its so easy. Try to be his friend. He needs emotional treatment, not the chemical one !!

Good luck. Remember, there is also a social dimension to schizophrenia, I even think it is a social construct, but will let you make up your own mind. I was myself diagnosed as suffering from psychosis and a high risk of schizophrenia. They give me pills with awful side effects, which is stopped, and have never regretted it since. I may be a bit crazy sometimes, but not in the way you described, and I am not what these people are telling me I am.
Since then, I have some distrust towards psychiatrists and psychologists. Of course some are good but there are so many crooks or just plain ignorant people in this profession for each good and honest one. Best to make up your mind yourself. My mind is the most precious thing I was given, and I'm glad I did not listen to those people who told me that my brain and mind are sick and need to be fixed. And they took $50/hour to tell me that. I hate them.

Shippoish,

The love of my life has schizo-affective disorder, but was supposidly doing better and hadn't relapsed on meds for years. He meant more to me then any other boyfriends and we shared alot of things in common. He left me without warning and a few months later went on a road trip with a girl who was less attractive, less stable, etc...than me. I was devestated for months and cried myself to sleep every night for months. He's not doing well now, so every now and then I ask him how he is and give him words of encouragement. Im not over him (doubt I ever will be) but I've accepted we won't ever be together. He is sick. Thanks for sharing your experience as I've been looking for someone who has been through something similar. If you or anyone else, would e-mail me, so we can share experiences, that would be most appreciated and helpful. Also, I'd like to continue being a distant friend to him, but am wondering if that is a good idea or not? Shippopish, are you still friends with your ex fiance?

Kayla
thrasthemic@gmail.com