She Is In Heaven... With Our Little Alex

I was so excited when I found out that I was pregnant again! Of course I was terrified! but we had planned this... I wanted this baby so bad!
I worried a lot because of the miscarriage but after we reached 14 weeks I felt like everything really would be fine this time around! so again I spent tons of time on names(more this time actually because I knew what names I wanted almost right off before) I took classes and earned mommy bucks. I really felt like this one would be a girl and I couldn't wait to find out for sure! then a blood test came back.... there was a higher chance of this baby having a neural tube defect so we went in for an ultrasound at 18 weeks to see if they could find anything. everything looked great; the baby had developed how she should have, they found everything that was spose to be there! and no sign of a neural tube defect! but of course I would have to go to a perinatal specialist to make sure! I moved that weekend three hours away(back to where I was before I had become pregnant with this baby) we later found out that  when we went in to have the ultrasound at 18 weeks she was measuring 17 week along... and then at an appointment with a perinatologist we found out that she was growing in three weeks as much as she should have been growing in one week.... and then there was no amniotic fluid; her kidneys were making it. At the beginning of this pregnancy I had had a threatened miscarriage and throughout the pregnancy I had hyperemisis(severe morning sickness) then i had high blood pressure they did a urine test and i was admitted into the hospital so that they could induce if i had preeclampsia but the next day i was released, the doctor said i hadn't developed it but that i most likely would. then at an appointment to check my blood pressure the babies heart rate was lower than usual... i knew that it was going to happen soon (after all, they told us that she had 99% chance of not making it) ='(
I went home and took a shower, I cried the whole time, Over the weekend i hadn't felt her move... i went back in to the doctor on monday and my fears were confirmed.... i was induced tuesday, i gave birth to our little Gracey Sonnet Daniella at 12:57am the next morning. We held her, the hospital took pictures, we took pictures! she stayed in my room the whole day... and when it was time for them to take her away i cried so hard and the nurse said she would come back after a little while. Gracey was 1 pound 1.4 ounces... she was only 9 inches long! so tiny! at her funeral we let 27 balloons go(27 for how many weeks pregnant i was with her when i had her)  the autopsy came back inconclusive, i guess i'll never know what was wrong(until i go to heaven and see her) i know that she is up there, i knew it the second i saw her little body that she wasn't with us, she was/is in heaven playing with her brother or sister... and God holds both of my babies in his arms.
graceysnheaven graceysnheaven
18-21
Jul 20, 2010