My Baby Was Stillborn At 36 Weeks...I just lost my baby too. I was almost 36 weeks and I hadn't felt the baby move for a day. I thought it was because I was busy cleaning and I was moving around too much to notice. That had happened before. But, I something didn't feel right....so I went in to see my doctor. There was no heartbeat.
My pregnancy had been uneventful until I was about 30 weeks. I went in for a growth ultrasound and the tech went to get my doctor. My doc explained to me that they couldn't tell for sure if my baby was a boy or a girl. ( At 21 weeks, we were told we were having a girl.) So, my doctor sent me to a fetal medicine specialist that day. I went and he didn't know what to make of it either. Everything else looked healthy. I was told that the specialist wanted to do an amniocentesis, but wouldn't do it until 36 weeks. So, we waited.... My husband came home from his deployment in early May. He had been gone since I was 14 weeks pregnant. We were discussing what we would do after we found out what gender our baby was from the amniocentesis. Our baby would need surgeries....so we were just discussing scenarios to try to be prepared. Through all of this, we were told that our baby's situation was not life-threatening and that our baby was healthy otherwise.
After finding out that our baby had no heartbeat, we went home to decide when to have labor induced. We decided to go back to the hospital that evening. I was told by my doc that it would most likely take several doses of Cytotec to ripen my cervix and that I would be getting a dose every 3-4 hours through the night. I got my first dose at 7pm....then another at 1am. By 3am, I was only dilated to 3cm and about 80% effaced, but my contractions were on top of each other. So, I asked for the epidural. I got relief pretty quickly and I was able to rest a little. I woke up at 7am....I didn't immediately realize where I was.....I couldn't move my legs. Then, it all came back to me....I remembered where I was and why I was there and I was panic-stricken. My wonderful husband was by my side and has been wonderful through it all.
At 9am, my nurse sat me straight up in bed so I could "labor down." At 10am, I was ready to push. Our beautiful baby was born May 26th, 2010 at 10:47am. 6 pounds, 8 ounces, and 19.5 inches long....blonde hair, his Daddy's lips....born sleeping. I recovered physically pretty quickly.....I surprised myself. I held our baby immediately....my husband and mom were both there in delivery. My husband was awesome....best labor coach ever. We allowed the doctor to take the baby and get a piece of muscle to check the chromosomes since we never made it to the amniocentesis. (It was scheduled for May 28th.) Then they brought our baby back in and we all held him....we had pictures taken of him. We went home around 4:30pm that day.
I referred to our baby as "he" above, but we didn't know that until 2 weeks after his birth. We didn't know chromosomally what gender our baby was until the testing came back. We are still waiting on the chromosomes to tell us if he had a genetic syndrome. However, the preliminary autopsy showed that our baby had no female anatomy, only male parts. We still don't have an answer as to why our baby was stillborn. The autopsy so far has revealed no gross abnormalities. Then, when I am 6 weeks postpartum, I will have to have blood drawn to check for coagulation disorders, etc. So, all this is a waiting game.
Even though we didn't have all the answers, it did help to find out our baby's gender....so we could name him. We named him Brayden James. To tell you the truth, I could look at my baby's face and tell he was a boy. Maybe it was my intuition.
Now we are just taking things day by day....sometimes hour by hour. I want Brayden back so bad. Sometimes I'm okay, but most of the time I feel lost. I don't know what my purpose is anymore. I believe in God and I am a Christian. I just don't understand any of this. We wanted our baby and we were so excited. I don't know what to do with myself.
March 9th, 2012
I wanted to update our story. Genetic testing came back on Brayden and my bloodwork came back....all normal. We still have absolutely no idea what killed our baby. That is a tough pill to swallow. Everyone should have an answer. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that we can find decomposed bodies and determine cause of death, but no one could find out what murdered our Brayden.
Since I was deemed healthy and didn't have any reason to believe it would be unsafe for me to try to have another child, we started trying again. It was an agonizing 7 months. I found out I was pregnant purely by accident. I had had what I thought was a really bad period in January....it was right on time with my cycle. I had been experiencing extreme fatigue and I went to the doctor just knowing I might have thyroid issues. The doc checked a serum pregnancy test as well even though she said she doubted that I could be pregnant. As I was having my blood drawn, I was a hair away from passing out. That is SO not like me! I went home and took a pregnancy test and it was undoubtedly positive!!! Talk about being elated and terrified all at once! I really thought it had to be a cruel joke.
So, there we went...pregnant again. Another little angel. It was a nervous pregnancy to say the least. I had a significant bleed at 12 weeks and I was sure that that was it. Terrified I was going to lose another baby. However, he hung on with us and Liam was born September 9th, 2011. He is absolutely perfect in every way. Six months later I still feel like I watch every breath because I cannot believe he is actually here. We are so thankful and blessed beyond measure.
I still miss Brayden everyday. There isn't a thing in the world that can lessen the pain of losing a baby. Sometimes it's worse than others. When I do things for Liam, I can't help but think that I should be doing them for a 22 month old and Liam. While I see other mothers that voice being so overwhelmed with two little ones, I would just like the chance. I guess I'd feel the same way they do if Brayden had lived. It's true that you really don't know what you had until it's gone. I thank you all for your support and comments. My hope is that by being so transparent though our journey, that someone in the same position can glean some hope from our story. Even though we've endured great (probably the greatest) pain, we have also been so very blessed beyond measure. God is good and He will always make a way. Stay faithful and whatever experience you've been through.....let it make you better, not bitter.
braydensmom 26-30, F 49 Responses 0 Jun 12, 2010