I Had a Stillborn Baby
When I found out I was pregnant, I could not have been any more excited. I was 19, with a wonderful man who loved me and everthing seemed to be perfect. I faced depression for about 3 months of my pregnancy, but that was only because I lived 19 hours away from my family and couldn't share any of this with them except for over the phone. By the time I was 4 months, I began to get much happier. I was having a baby ! And that was all that mattered to me anymore.
At 12 weeks I found out it was a little girl. Throughout my whole pregnancy, everyone guessed it would be a girl except for two people, and when the ultrasound tech told me it was a girl, I was beyond excited. I looked at baby pictures and old home movies of me as a baby, predicting what my daughter was going to look like. I didn't buy too many things just yet, I wanted to wait until my actual 5 month ultrasound to start buying things for a girl, just in case. But in my heart I knew for sure that my baby was a girl. So my fiance and I bought little girl things here and there. Onesies, booties, books etc.
By about 18 weeks, I started feeling her kick. My fiance and I were so excited to feel such an amazing thing ! I would lay on my back and both of us would put our hands on my belly and just giggle at our funny little baby when she would push back on our hands. I was more in love with her than I had ever been with anything. By 20 weeks, I finally started to look pregnant. My belly started to stick out for the first time in the 5 months of pregnancy and I was so happy I could start seeing my baby growing without having an ultrasound.
At 20 weeks and 2 days, all of a sudden I went to the bathroom to discover extremely heavy bleeding. I was devastated. I should not be seeing this much blood. As we rushed to the hospital, I prayed and prayed that everything was okay with my baby. I don't know what I would do if I lost her, it didnt seem real, I just had to have her. After hooking me up to a monitor and checking everything, my baby girl was just fine. I had a blood clot under my placenta that was causing the bleeding. I stayed in the hospital for a week. The bleeding slightly got better, but never actually stopped.
I was discharged from the hospital after staying for a week while the nurses and doctors monitored the bleeding . I was given strict bed rest orders and told that if I felt any extreme pain in my abdomen, then to come back to the hospital immediately. So we went back home, I took a bath and ate some dinner then went straight to bed. But for some reason that night, I could not get myself to sleep. I felt a mild pain like cramping and it was keeping me from getting any bit of sleep. I stayed awake for hours and hours and the pain just kept getting worse, soon unbearable. So we rushed back to the hospital at about 1 am.
Once we got to the hospital room, I changed into a gown and laid on the bed to get hooked up to a monitor. The nurse found the heartbeat but was having a hard time keeping it. She called another nurse in who told me the pain I was having were contractions. Everytime I had a contraction it caused my baby's heartbeat to become faint on the monitor. I was so scared I could hardly breathe. A male doctor came in and told me the worst thing I have ever had to hear in my life. I was having an abruption, going into labor way to early and my baby was not going to make it because of how early she was in gestation. I immediately broke down in tears. I held on to my baby for a week while heavily bleeding, why did I have to lose her now ? I thought I was winning this battle and keeping my baby but I was wrong.
Hours later, at 8 am, I gave birth to my precious daughter Luci. She was only 13.5 oz and 10.5 inches long. She was tiny, but the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. She was perfectly formed. She had big hands and feet like her mommy, and her face looked just like her daddy. It hurts my heart so much to know my baby didnt have the chance at life she deserved. I wish that I could see her now, watch her grow up, see her beautiful face and kiss her everyday but I can't. All I can do is wonder. I will see her again one day and that will be the best day of my life. I talk to her everyday and I am the best person I can be because I know she is looking down at her mommy every day and I want her to be proud to call me mommy. Just like I'm so proud that she is my daughter.
4 months later, and the depression, the hurt, it never goes away. She will always be my baby girl, my first born. I will always remember her and mourn the death of my precious daughter. She is an angel now. She's in the best place she can be in, being held in the arms of God. I remember everyday that I am the mother of an angel, and as hard as it is to except that I can't have her with me today, I know that she is the most beautiful one up there.
Mommy loves you Luci LeeAnn. Always <3
At 12 weeks I found out it was a little girl. Throughout my whole pregnancy, everyone guessed it would be a girl except for two people, and when the ultrasound tech told me it was a girl, I was beyond excited. I looked at baby pictures and old home movies of me as a baby, predicting what my daughter was going to look like. I didn't buy too many things just yet, I wanted to wait until my actual 5 month ultrasound to start buying things for a girl, just in case. But in my heart I knew for sure that my baby was a girl. So my fiance and I bought little girl things here and there. Onesies, booties, books etc.
By about 18 weeks, I started feeling her kick. My fiance and I were so excited to feel such an amazing thing ! I would lay on my back and both of us would put our hands on my belly and just giggle at our funny little baby when she would push back on our hands. I was more in love with her than I had ever been with anything. By 20 weeks, I finally started to look pregnant. My belly started to stick out for the first time in the 5 months of pregnancy and I was so happy I could start seeing my baby growing without having an ultrasound.
At 20 weeks and 2 days, all of a sudden I went to the bathroom to discover extremely heavy bleeding. I was devastated. I should not be seeing this much blood. As we rushed to the hospital, I prayed and prayed that everything was okay with my baby. I don't know what I would do if I lost her, it didnt seem real, I just had to have her. After hooking me up to a monitor and checking everything, my baby girl was just fine. I had a blood clot under my placenta that was causing the bleeding. I stayed in the hospital for a week. The bleeding slightly got better, but never actually stopped.
I was discharged from the hospital after staying for a week while the nurses and doctors monitored the bleeding . I was given strict bed rest orders and told that if I felt any extreme pain in my abdomen, then to come back to the hospital immediately. So we went back home, I took a bath and ate some dinner then went straight to bed. But for some reason that night, I could not get myself to sleep. I felt a mild pain like cramping and it was keeping me from getting any bit of sleep. I stayed awake for hours and hours and the pain just kept getting worse, soon unbearable. So we rushed back to the hospital at about 1 am.
Once we got to the hospital room, I changed into a gown and laid on the bed to get hooked up to a monitor. The nurse found the heartbeat but was having a hard time keeping it. She called another nurse in who told me the pain I was having were contractions. Everytime I had a contraction it caused my baby's heartbeat to become faint on the monitor. I was so scared I could hardly breathe. A male doctor came in and told me the worst thing I have ever had to hear in my life. I was having an abruption, going into labor way to early and my baby was not going to make it because of how early she was in gestation. I immediately broke down in tears. I held on to my baby for a week while heavily bleeding, why did I have to lose her now ? I thought I was winning this battle and keeping my baby but I was wrong.
Hours later, at 8 am, I gave birth to my precious daughter Luci. She was only 13.5 oz and 10.5 inches long. She was tiny, but the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. She was perfectly formed. She had big hands and feet like her mommy, and her face looked just like her daddy. It hurts my heart so much to know my baby didnt have the chance at life she deserved. I wish that I could see her now, watch her grow up, see her beautiful face and kiss her everyday but I can't. All I can do is wonder. I will see her again one day and that will be the best day of my life. I talk to her everyday and I am the best person I can be because I know she is looking down at her mommy every day and I want her to be proud to call me mommy. Just like I'm so proud that she is my daughter.
4 months later, and the depression, the hurt, it never goes away. She will always be my baby girl, my first born. I will always remember her and mourn the death of my precious daughter. She is an angel now. She's in the best place she can be in, being held in the arms of God. I remember everyday that I am the mother of an angel, and as hard as it is to except that I can't have her with me today, I know that she is the most beautiful one up there.
Mommy loves you Luci LeeAnn. Always <3
Age:
18-21
,
Female
3
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