Alone And Need Support

I lost my son, Emrick James, March 11, 2012. He was deliveried at 24 weeks. I was bleeding and went into the ermegency room. I was already dialated to ten by the time I got to labor and delivery. They thought they could hear the heart beat, that it was just really low, but turns out it was my heart beat. They had to do an emergency C-Section because he was trying to come out shoulder first. I woke up from my c-section and found out Emrick didn't make it. I was in the hospital for I think 2 weeeks. We had the funeral two days after I got out of the hospital. Two days after the funeral my boyfriend (the babys father) left me. So now I am grieving the loss of my son on my own.
MLPearson MLPearson
18-21, F
3 Responses May 17, 2012

your post brought tears to my eyes ,i know what your going through ,i had a little boy born at 38 weeks jan 2011,he was stillborn,the grief was so overwhelming ,bu to make matters worse the hospital admitted that they didnt follow procedures in mypregnancy and my sons death could of been avoided,this will be the biggest journey you will ever have to me "living with your loss",i found this song helpfull ,please go on youtube and listen to it,"precious child"by karen taylor good,my thoughts are with you take care x

I'm so sorry for your lost and I know too well of what you are going through. I lost my son on April 12, 2012. I was 25 weeks. He was my first baby and it's the worst pain I ever felt. It's almost been 3months and I'm still hurting. I have my good days and bad days. sometimes I smile sometimes I cry all day. Like u I am also going through this pain alone which makes it 1000x worst. The doctors didn't think I was going to make it because I lost so much blood and became unresponsive so my baby father , the man I thought was the love of my life left me there went home and in 3days started planning to have another baby by someone else. Thank god I healed in a week or so only to look on social networks to see that while my son was laid cold in a  morgue and I was fighting for my life my lovely boyfriend was online flirting and moving on with life. It hurt me like hell and as soon as he found out I was going to be ok of course he came running back trying to plead his case. I wasn't hearing it. I told him it's best if we just be friends. Well that didn't go so well. He went on a rampage cursing me out disrespecting me to the upmost in any way he could think of so while I was dealing with the lost of our son I was also dealing with that. I miss them both soooo much. It's hard trying to cope with the lost of my son alone. Normally he would be the person I talk to when I'm hurting. We would work our problems out together but now I have to go through this heartache alone and it's hard because no one knows what I'm going through nor do they care which is hard because all I can do is cry and pray I don't fall into depression. The worst thing is I'm ready to try to conceiver  again ... But no one to try with.  Sometimes I think I should give him another chance but in all reality if it wasn't for him my son would still be here. I made a promise to my son that I would never let anyone hurt him ever again. Plus if my ex actually cared about us like he says he do he would have nvr disrespected me , hurt me or my baby , and he wouldn't have left us in that hospital alone. But God don't put nothing on us that we can't handle. Everything happens for a reason and only the lord knows the reason. I know it's hard I can feel your pain. It's times where I sit and wonder why did god even give me another chance in that hospital but he must have a very special plan for us all we have to do is keep faith keep fighting and believe that there will be a brighter day. I started getting closer to God. That's my way of getting through the pain and healing process. I use to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted right or wrong until I lost my baby. Now he gives me something to live for. Now I try my best to live by the book to my best abilities ( don't get me wrong I still sin no one is perfect ) but now I know there's someone waiting for me on the other side. So just hang in there and remember if he brings us too it , he will bring us through it. God maybe just teaching us how strong we actually are. and we can survive without the fathers. And in all honesty they were not the men we were supposed to be with because if they can't handle us at our worst they don't need our best. And its ok to miss your ex it's only normal and your always going to be emotionally attached to him because not only do y'all have a child together  but y'all have an angel baby together which means mostly all your memories will be of y'all 3 but if it's that easy for him to leave you when you need him the most then you deserve so much better. Your son would want you to be with the one thats going to be there for you through the good and the bad. He want to see his mommy happy and being loved. Make your baby boy proud. SENDING YOU A TIGHT HUG !!! BEST OF WISHES TO YOU  !! BE STRONG AND KEEP FAITH !!! 

Sorry for your loss, I lost my son on the 19th March, but I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to have to go though this kind of loss...I hope you are managing OK...take care