I Miss My Son

March 19 2012 is when my life changed forever....my wife's pregnancy was perfect, not a single problem and she was as fit and healthly as she has ever been....1 week out from the due date she started to go into labour....but something wasn't right, instead of contractions one after another she was in constant pain...we headed to the hospital, they immediately checked for a heart beat, nothing. So they rushed her into another room with more high tech equipment to see if they could find it.....nothing.....the call was made to get the baby out as quickly as possible....at this point i am thinking it will all be OK....an emergency team was on stand by to resuscitate him after delivery....i noticed at one point that team had now left the room, still I thought everything will be OK.....then one of the doctors leaned in whispered in my ear so not to alarm my wife who was in terrible pain...he said quietly, "I am sorry but the baby has died, there is nothing we can do" tears instantly filled my eyes, but I was still in shock...my wife was bleeding a lot. My mind was blank, at the same time as being all over the place, it was surreal .... at this stage my wife had no idea as the priority now was to save her life and get my boy out so they could work on stopping the bleeding.....i will never forget seeing he head come out...silence...motionless...as if time stood still...once he was fully delivered the the head doctor delivered her the sad news....i will never forget her cries as she said over and over "why did my baby die? why did he die?" at that point i could no longer stay strong, we both broke down as we held his lifeless body.....I miss him soooooooo much, however as sad as i feel on a daily basis, I can only imagine how hard it must be for the mothers, who carried these babies inside for such a long time. Before this experience, I though (like a dumb man) how will I deal with a baby constantly crying, and if I heard a baby crying in public I would think to myself, I wish they would keep that baby quiet.....now, I would give anything to hear my baby cry, and to hear others now, although it makes me sad, it is in some way quite soothing, and it makes me think of my son. I miss you little Zachary, I will always love you and I will carry you in my heart forever.
Zeth2012 Zeth2012
36-40, M
8 Responses May 18, 2012

Well I am so sorry about your loss but I know how you feel because I just lost my baby to

i lost my son in 2009, i know just how you feel...

Thank you for sharing your story, it is the first "man's point of view" I have heard besides my husband's. Your sorrow and pain are so real, our love and support are with you.amil.com

i know excatley how you feel...my fiance and i lost our son Montgomery Reed Mitchell Jr...after his daddy...when i was just starting my 9th month. i feel the same way when i hear a baby...it is soothing at times...but sometimes i see parents who dont take care of their children...like they dont care that they are able to have that most amazing, beautiful gift that i long for every day. i am so sorry for your loss the only peace that i get is knowing my son is in a better place and i know he's not alone. i hope and pray that every day gets better for you and your wife. i know sometimes i dont want to do anything but the thing that keeps me going is my fiance...he is so strong in all of this and if i didnt have him i dont know where i would be today. keep being stong for your wife. it helps more than you know

Thank you all for your comments....it is always somewhat reassuring to know there are always others that feel the way I feel.

First off ~ I would like to say how sorry I am to hear of the loss of your precious son, Zachary. It is surely the most devastating situation to have to endure and there are no words to ease the pain. The path becomes a little less rocky as time goes on but the valleys and peaks remind us of the long soulful journey we all must make. My first Granddaughter was born still at 36.6 weeks due to torsion of the umbilical cord ~ not a true knot or nuchal cord but delivers the same devastation and heartache. I would like to share my story with you.<br />
<br />
Now, I am in the same situation as you, thousands like you -- like us -- dealing with the loss of a child. The reasons may differ but the result is still the same, pain and heartache.<br />
<br />
I am an RN and my husband is an Emergency Room MD. I have four children and never thought anything of it. I had heard of stillbirths but thought they occurred during labor when there was a complication. Why should I think anything different? The medical profession has hidden the details and frequency from us all.<br />
<br />
Then came my son and my daughter in law. Their first child, a daughter, was born still at 36.3 weeks on June 28th, 2009. Danielle noticed no movement -- for a baby that was very active a lot of the time - one Saturday. She had read the books which reassured her and my son that the babies slowed down at 36 weeks -- that was normal. My son, now a resident at Emory, was a medical student at MUSC in Charleston at the time. We got the call on Saturday night, "We lost the baby." <br />
<br />
I was in utter disbelief and total shock. What -- How -- What Happened? Bob told us it could be genetic, it could be an infection, it could be the cord, it could be a lot of things. My mind raced and was paralyzed at the same time. The ultrasound was done, there was no heartbeat.<br />
<br />
My precious granddaughter, our first, was now an angel. My heart ached; tears could not come. My daughter, Nicola, had just gotten married in Charleston on May 1, 2009. Danielle was the pregnant bridesmaid and so beautiful. We were all set to welcome the newest member to the clan on July 24th.<br />
<br />
I think our angel was going to be Chloe Gabriella or Lillian Bleu - depending on her features and who she looked like. But we welcomed our precious Roberta Rae on June 28th with all of the love our hearts could hold, as well as, all of the sorrow. Bob, short for Robert, had nicknamed the baby, Roberta, after himself. That was what everyone called her and that was the name she had been hearing for eight months while Bob spoke to Danielle's tummy. So, Bob and Danielle decided to call her the name she knew, the name she kicked to, the name she swam to and the name she danced to. Her "in utero" name was totally unplanned yet fit her perfectly. <br />
<br />
My husband and I are now committed advocates for those born still. We will do whatever it takes to enlighten the medical community and parents to be, as well as, to find a cause as to "WHY" when there are or are not any answers. <br />
<br />
I don't know if you are familiar with Dr. Jason Collins of The Pregnancy Institute, www.preginst.com, in Louisiana. He has been researching the issue of Umbilical Cord Accidents (UCA) for over 20 years. According to research by Dr. Collins and like minded Obstetricians throughout the world, the cord is a definite risk factor contributing to stillbirth and a definite catalyst for stillbirth from 28 weeks onward. And, yes, stillbirth moms are 5 - 10 times more likely to have a recurrent stillbirth. In the words of Dr. Collins, "Why is no one talking about this?" <br />
<br />
When you think about it, at one time people had a heart attack and died. That was it - no intervention, it wasn't developed and no one knew the warning signs. Now if you have chest pain and go to the emergency room, the measures taken are incredible. The same is true with a mammogram. Every woman who goes for one knows what the findings may be - but it is better to know why we are going and the importance of the check and deal with the findings - than to be oblivious to the challenge. <br />
<br />
All parents to be, as well as, medical personnel should be educated to the possibility and undeniable consequences of an UCA. With 30,000 + stillbirths a year in the USA, and at least 30% of these stillbirths definitely being caused by UCA - it is imperative women are given the facts by their doctors. Once knowledgeable, they can decide their course of action, seek ultrasounds and be proactive for their baby before it is too late. <br />
<br />
My brother was killed by a drunk driver when he was 12 back in 1967. I don't think my father ever got over the loss. My mother was amazing. Of course she was filled with grief, but she gathered up the pieces and made our lives as children wonderful. She didn't skip a beat. She laughed, cheered her ba<x>seball team on the TV and life went on. I want it to be that way for me, for Danielle and Bob, for everyone who experiences the birth of a precious sleeping one. I don't want the grief to consume us. I want us to be able to smile when we hear the name, Roberta Rae.<br />
<br />
Perhaps my sweet stillbirth mom, Kristina, said it best on Facebook, "You don't get over it, you just get through it. You don't get by it, because you can't get around it. It doesn't get better, it just gets different. Everyday...Grief puts on a new face."<br />
<br />
I know there is a joy lying ahead of you ~ and ~ you will be able to grasp it. I wish it could be in your possession today ~ but sometimes really wonderful things take time. <br />
<br />
In June of 2010 and May 2012, I became "Grammy" to Jacks, Roberta Rae's little brother, and Trent Oscar. Joy is returning into my life now as I continue nurturing Roberta Rae's legacy ~ and every baby born still ~ by empowering all expectant moms through education, proactivity and vigilance...xo

i'm so sorry.

This is amazing... i wish all men were like you. I amso sorry for your loss. I understand the feeling of comfort when you hear a baby cry. Just be careful that it doesn't overwhelm you again sorry for your loss