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I Feel So Empty Without Him

When i discovered that i was pregnat,after having 2miscarriages both at 11weeks my husband and i were over the moon and as the pregnancy progressed even though i had other medical problems my baby was doing well.All the scans were clear and he was very active then suddenly on the 7th June he stooped moving and i went to hospital and after 3midwives tried for heart beat which they could not find called a doctor who did a scan a without saying anything to me she asked them to contact a senior sonographer to do a scan and i knew something was wrong and i started crying hyterically and hoping she was wrong,after the sonographer did the scan he confirmed that my baby was dead.Was given a tablet and told to come back after 48hours for them to induce labour.I spent 3days in labour ward which was agonising hearing women deliver babies who were crying and i knew that mine would never cry,finally on 12/06/12 my lifeless baby boy was delivered(32weeks)weighing 1.8kg.till this day i still cant believe my baby is gone some days i accept some i am still in denial,having to arrange for his cremation its sad i should be preparing for his home coming not his funeral.I never thought for one minute that this would happen to me,after passing secod trimister going into 3rd with no problems i could not wait to hold my baby in my arms.The wound is still fresh one day i am ok and the next i feel so low,people keep reminding me that i have 2lovely boys and that some women dont have any,but i guess because they have not been through what i experience they will never understand the pain.I hope that one day i would be able to hold a baby in my arms,i am so grateful for my husband i know he is hurting but he has been very supportive and being the stronger one.To all women out there who are going through the same pain have faith in god he will bless us one day,if you are a christian its time to turn to god to give us strength.
mmatshabo1 mmatshabo1 41-45 Jul 3, 2012

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