My Beautiful Boy

i met my partner at a party about 5 months before i fell pregnant, all we really did was party,drink & have fun as you tend to do at the beginning of a relationship, when we found out i was pregnant it felt like the end of the world was we ready for this am i mature enough to be a parent, but it didnt take long to adapt we loved the idea of having a baby & our relationship went to the next level we learnt more about each other & relised we were so alike it was great i new i loved him.

as the months went on we moved in with each other & started to prepare for our new arrival. we were so excited as i felt every movement & every poke & as i got bigger the sleepless nights ha. but i didnt mind it would be worth it in the end. all my routeen check ups were perfect & we also found out i was having a boy we were ecstatic couldnt be more happier, i loved when my partner would talk to my bump it brought us closer.

i was at another scan on Tues 6th nov and i had really high blood pressure, they wanted to see me the following tues 13th just to check again so i went home & relaxed trying to bring the blood pressure down myself. on the 13th nov i asked my father to drop me to the hospital thinking i wouldnt be long just checking my blood pressure there was no point asking my partner to miss a days work for it, so in i woddled & into a room, i said that i have started to get headaches & dizzy spells so the nurse brought me into the doctor for another scan he asked me if i had felt him move, i said not much in the last few days but he wasnt an active baby bit lazy like his mother i joked, so i gripped the bed awaiting the freezing cold gel on my belly, after the scan the doctor didnt even look at me just sat down & asked me to come over i felt sick something was wrong, he told me that he hadnt got a heartbeat i fell to pieces. he explained that i needed to see a specialist the following day, as the nurse escorted me out of the room i felt the eyes of the other new mothers & fathers stare at me it made me think i have dont something wrong it hurt.

we met the specialst who scaned me again, im sorry he said i crumbled i was 29 weeks he told me that it could of happedened between the time i had my last scan & the scan yesterday & spoke to me of what i had to do. i just remember thinking it was a dream & why were they being so horrible havent i been through enough & they now want me to go into labour.

my beautiful baby boy was born 16-11-12 @ 15.34 so small so beautiful when i held him i didnt want to let him go, they didnt give me a reason of what caused it just said its a rare thing that just happened im heartbroken, & numb. we buried him a week later my partner carried him it hurts so much.

my partner has gone back to work today & i cant stop crying does this get any easier??
daiseylee daiseylee
22-25, F
Nov 27, 2012