My Angel Jaylie

On November 20th 2012 , not even a whole month ago I lost my baby girl Jaylie . Im not even 17 yet , and I honestly don't know how to deal with this . I've tried putting a smile on my face but I just can't . Not feeling her move around anymore , or knowing that in just a few months i wont be holding her in my arms kills me . . I miss her so much , and I don't even know how to function anymore , I honestly feel like its all my fault , and I've made myself believe that it is . . I miss her so much , and it just seems to be getting worse everyday . And every where I look now I feel like someones judging me . I love you Jaylie , and I miss you more than anything . 
RIPJaylie RIPJaylie
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 11, 2012

Reading you story has brought tears to my eyes. 2weeks ago I lost my son. I understand what you are going through . It hurts so much. I hope you find peace in your heart and may God be with you.

Hi! Thank you for sharing your story. I wanted to start by first saying that it is not your fault. On 11/27/2012 my son was born sleeping due to Step B. I was only 25weeks and I felt like it was my fault. Part of the grieving process requires for us to experience a roller coaster of emotions. You are not alone. The pain does not go away but you need to find a way to make you feel better. My husband and I are advocating for our son and started a website. This helps me feel like I am speaking out for my son and promoting awareness on Strep B and other stories. If you would like to share your story please visit Fight4Jalen.org. I will pray that Lord brings peace to your heart.

Thank you,

GABY

First off ~ I would like to say how sorry I am to hear of the loss of your precious daughter, Jaylie. It is surely the most devastating situation to have to endure and there are no words to ease the pain. The path becomes a little less rocky as time goes on but the valleys and peaks remind us of the long soulful journey we all must make. My first Granddaughter was born still at 36.6 weeks due to torsion of the umbilical cord ~ not a true knot or nuchal cord but delivers the same devastation and heartache.

I think how you are feeling is very normal after enduring such a loss. If our own doctors, the experts, cannot predict a stillbirth - how are we to?

All parents to be, as well as, medical personnel should be educated to the possibility and undeniable consequences of a stillbirth. With 26,000+ stillbirths a year in the USA, it is imperative women are given the facts by their doctors. Once knowledgeable, they can decide their course of action, seek ultrasounds and be proactive for their baby before it is too late. Make sure you are considered "high risk" for a future pregnancy.

My brother was killed by a drunk driver when he was 12 back in 1967. I don't think my father ever got over the loss. My mother was amazing. Of course she was filled with grief, but she gathered up the pieces and made our lives as children wonderful. She didn't skip a beat. She laughed, cheered her baseball team on the TV and life went on. I want it to be that way for me, for Danielle and Bob, for everyone who experiences the birth of a precious sleeping one. I don't want the grief to consume us. I want us to be able to smile when we hear the name, Roberta Rae.

Perhaps my sweet stillbirth mom, Kristina, said it best on Facebook, "You don't get over it, you just get through it. You don't get by it, because you can't get around it. It doesn't get better, it just gets different. Everyday...Grief puts on a new face."

Please hang in there. It is so difficult to go on when there are no answers and the uncertainty of the future lies ahead. I know there is a joy lying ahead for you ~ and ~ you will be able to grasp it. I wish it could be in your possession today ~ but sometimes the "really wonderful" takes time.

In June of 2010 and May 2012, I became "Grammy" to Jacks, Roberta Rae's little brother, and Trent Oscar, Roberta Rae's baby cousin. Joy is returning into my life now as I continue nurturing Roberta Rae's legacy ~ and every baby born still ~ by empowering all expectant moms through education, proactivity and vigilance...xo

JAYLIE TIME HEALS SUGAR AT YOUR AGE YOU STILL HAVE SO MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO HAVE A CHILD.THINK ABOUT SOMETHIN YOU ARE VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT AND JUMP HEAD FIRST IN IT.USE THIS TIME TO LIVE YOUR TEENAGE YEARS .WHEN GOD FEELS LIKE YOUR READY HE WILL BLESS YOU WITH A BEAUTIFUL BABY