Our Little Gabriel

What a beautiful time pregnacy can be. It brought my husband, our families and friends so much joy. We made it 36 weeks, 36 wonderful weeks with our little boy. It was a Thursday morning when we went in for a doctors appointment that our world crumbled. Our pregnacy, till then, was picture perfect. We went in and answered the normal questions from the nurse.. "Are you feeling and contractions? Are you having any bleeding? Are you feeling the baby move?" I answered "No, not any contractions or bleeding but he has been really quiet lately." She decided to be safe and hook us up to a monitor. Five minutes of trying to find a heartbeat, she went to go get the doctor so she could try her luck. This had not been the first time our little boy had been playing hide and seek, so initially we weren't very worried. The doctor came in to try her luck and three minutes of that she thought we should go have an ultra sound. I had hope, hope that our baby was fine. 30 seconds into the ultra sound my hope was gone and my heart broke. There was no heartbeat, our little boy was gone. I knew this but my husband sitting right next to me did not. As I broke down on that table in tears all he could do is yell, "what's going on, is he ok, why won't you tell me anything?" She just said that the doctor would be in shortly. The doctor came in a delivered the worse news of our life. We crumbled, I have never cried so hard in my life, I have never felt so helpless. We were given no answers, no reasons why or how. We were told our next step was to deliver our baby. I was terrified, I had never given birth and nothing that I read talked about giving birth to a baby who was dead. We webt home and packed our bags and made the hardest calls of our life. Then we went to the hospital and induced labor. We did deliver our baby, our 5 lb 10 oz 20 inch amazing little boy the following day. December 21, 2012 at 2:38 pm. We had the blessing of holding him and spending the two most precious days with him. That was 6 weeks ago. I want nothing more than to have those days back. Part of the hardest part of losing our son was handing him over and saying goodbye. I want my son in my arms and I want to see the love that my husband had on his face when holding his son( even if his eyes were full of tears). We came so far 9 months I carried him. It is so hard to know that if he was outside the womb he would have lived but because he was in me his core killed him. We miss our little boy so much. Thank you for reading, I need to share my story.