I Had a Stillborn Baby
On the 28/6/09 at 4.55pm I had a C-section and gave birth to a sleeping little girl who wasn't going to ever wake up! I was 37 weeks and 6days. We didnt know untill I'd given birth that she was dead and had been for around 24hrs. When they told me I just said ok, I passed it off as if it where nothing important like someone telling you you'd failed say your dirven test! Then they brought her to me asking if I wanted to hold her, I couldn't I didnt want to. So my boyfriend held his little girl and tryed to get me hold her. while I was in hospiltal I held her once and even then I didnt look at her, I didnt know her she wasn't somone that I knew, My heart was broken but I didnt really know why. I didnt think that I loved her, but I did. We brought her home for the wake and in the moring when no one was around I picked her up and that was it I never wanted to let her go. The hardest thing was putting her down for the last time! I dont know how to get over this and I need help!!! One of the hardest things for me is I'm 22 and never liked kids and NEVER wanted kids of my own. Even on the Thurs (3days before) at my cheek up I was pancking that I really didnt want the baby, It makes me sick to think that I thought that way!
