Someone Missing

Hi, erm i'm not sure where to begin really except i always knew i was different at school. no one else really talked to me and i kept very much to myself, i lived in my own world for years where i had a twin sister and we did everything together. i know every kid has there own bubble but mine felt so real it was like she was always there with me. when i hit teens i had to come out of my bubble and got hit by an unexplainable loneliness, often confined myself to my room and most of the time i couldn't even cry.
i became depressed and my mum never understood what was wrong, tried to explain it but she didn't understand, i started becoming detached from my feelings and in an attempt to feel something other than overwhelming loneliness i started to self harm (cutting) and for a time it made me feel better but it never lasted. i knew something was missing from my life but could never work out what. i often had dreams of going to school and meeting my long lost twin and being complete for the first time in my life but i knew it would never happen.
About 6 months ago my mum suddenly said out of the blue that i was a twin but she miscarried one of us, everything made sense to me then i just didn't know what to do about it. will the loneliness ever go away? i can't bring her back and it eats away at me every day, i've managed to stop the self harm but nothing seems to help, in my dreams she had a name i thought that might help but it doesn't.
amber280392karone amber280392karone
22-25, F
May 19, 2012