You would think that would mean I learnt from it, huh?

I don't think I'm so capable of learning from things like I should. I guess I lack the self control from this addiction.

You would think that passing out on the floor in a pool of blood would be all the reason to keep from ever doing it again.

Nope. I don't learn. It only stopped me for so long. I realized after that point what I was doing, but... I just don't stop.

I'll just do it again. I'm a monster.
JadedDivinity JadedDivinity
18-21
1 Response Aug 23, 2014

You're not a monster you just need help. Please get help. Please accept it.

I've been trying to accept all the help I can get. I've always been open to it.

Well then what's wrong? You just need to reach out and tell someone when you're down. Reach out and ask for help when you know you need it most.

Well, people can listen and support me. But, they cannot fix me. I have to have the control over this and that I lack.

If everything was up to you where do you think you would be? Stop saying that you lack the control. Emotional control is something you can learn, and it can't always come from within.

Well, I've been dealing with this for several years so I feel that I don't do so well with self control. Well, if it can't come from within, then where else does it come from?

I just mean that sometimes you can't teach it to yourself. Control is a habit. Especially when it's a problem like yours. You have to be conscious of the things that set you off and understand how you react to them. Whether it's usually internal thoughts or external triggers.

Right. It seems like I'm always conscious of that until I go off and harm myself again.

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