Baby Number 2, Abusive Daddy Number 2. What To Do...

I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant with my second child. I work at a restaurant, go to school full time and raise my child on my own. I just left my "second" child's father b/c he hurt me.
I'm too young to have another child. I'm not financially secure. I NEED to finish school. I dont want my child around this person.
If I tell him about the baby he'll MAKE me keep it.
If I don't tell him about the child, I cant take care of him/her on my own. I feel like the abortion pill is my last & best option. ... Not only for my future's sake, but also for my child who is walking this earth and needs her mommy more than anything. I feel like aborting this pregnancy will save this future child from a life of confusion and stress.

What should i do?!
Should i keep the baby, and not tell it's father?
Should I abort the baby, and not tell it's father?
Or should i just tell him? And keep the baby...

I'm so scared :(
AnUnknownLady AnUnknownLady
18-21, F
10 Responses Jul 13, 2010

I have a similar situation; however, this will now by baby number 4. I love my other kids, but i don't see how I could take care of 4 on my own, on top of working and going to school. My parents help with child care when i have work or school after the daycare closes and 3 can be difficult for them to handle already at times. The father has been so controlling and abusive lately, even my doctor recommended that I abort now, because having this child will be another way he'll try to control me. I also have complications with the pregnancy that can make delivery or abortion dangerous though, I have several blood clots around the sac and one is actually starting to make the placenta unattach from the uterus. The complications have put a lot of stress on me as well and I am close to getting fired due to the number of days I've had to call off because of it, so for me, I think that abortion is the only option at this point. I don't know if I can continue to wait around to miscarry and I may end up fired by that point. My job only allows 8 call off in a year before you're fired regardless of excuse and between dr visits, bedrest, and morning sickness I've already had 6. Hope things work out for you, but in the end you'll know what is best for you. It's going to be sad and stressful no matter what, you just have to be at peace and confident about any decision you make.

It's your choice. But I personally don't support abortion. You won't be able to watch your baby grow up and be what it's destined to be one day. Have you thought of adoption?

I've been in your situation a few times and the last time I decided to actually give the baby up for adoption. I understand it's scary but it was the best thing I have ever done. I realize that keeping the baby and giving it away is hard but just know that you are blessed and there is no doubt someone that would love this baby like you never thought. Do a little research and you may even get some compensation. That and the fact that guilt is inevitable - take a real look at the scales and also from a girl that has been there. I aborted my first pregnancy and still hurt for that decision but I have prayed and know that God has forgiven me but I also know I can't keep doing this. Abortion is not a form of birth control.

Dear UnknownLady, <br />
I had an abortion 17 years ago. You definitely "live with" your decision whichever way you go. I have three children now and I am grateful that they have each other to play with because they have so much energy and so I'm grateful that they are siblings. If you love your child, you should keep your child and ask the Lord to handle the abusive unloving boyfriend to help you get to a safe place. There are organizations that will help also. God Bless you, I wish you were not in this difficult situation!

I think that you have anwsered your own question. I was in a situation slightly like this, my partner was in the fources and had made threats when we split, three weeks after we split I found out I was pregnant, there was no way I could have kept my baby, the permenant conection to it's Daddy was one but the main reason for aborting my child was that if I had carried on with the pregnancy I would have ruined the childs life and it would have ruined mine, it seems like a really selfish option but when you put some thought into it keeping the child would have been soo much more selfish! I had the medical abortion and can honestly say it was not too bad, the first half an hour was hard but after that it was okay I suppose, the staff at the hospital made a traumatic experience that little less stressful! x

I am away from him ... which makes the abortion idea feel right. this pregnancy was 100% a mistake... if i tell him about the baby i'll feel obligated to be with him again..

I think you should get away from that guy he obviously makes this situation 10X harder and he is not worth it at all.

I think that you would regret having an abortion. Honestly i know that there was a reason that you are pregnant with this baby and you will miss out on a child that you will love. I feel like love is so important and family is too and i think you should try, i mean if things get really bad there's always adoption. Aborting is like giving up and your stronger then that. I wish the best of luck to you and i hope you make the decision thats right for you.

He'd probably kill me if i admitted to aborting his first child... he's still in love with me.

You should do what YOU want to do. I am reading the abortion pill is your last & best option.<br />
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If you are really looking for advice and it wouldn't be dangerous for you, I'd abort and then tell the dad.