Double The Guilt, But I Don't Know That I Would Change It...

I aborted twins a few months ago. I am in school and married. We live in a one bedroom apartment that we barely afford and there is just no way that I would have been able to continue going to college. I would have had to change my career aspirations to stay at home mother and I wouldn't be able to work. My husband is an enlisted member of the military and he definitely doesn't make loads of money. He would also be leaving on deployment and that would mean that 9 months out of the year I would be a single mom. We did everything right and we still got pregnant. I was on Nuva Ring and I got pregnant. I was in shock. I couldn't even sleep when I found out and I was soo stressed out. I threw up between 7 and  10 times a day. I couldn't even eat. I think about them everyday. My Zowie and Finn. But I am ok with my decision and I even look forward to having a baby still. I know God forgives me. I am sorry. Sometimes I wonder what might have happened if someone had tried to stop me from walking into the clinic. Would I have listened? I don't know. But everyday gets better. My husband and I still get excited when we talk about having children one day. I love him for being so awesome. 
pearlbreath pearlbreath
4 Responses Jul 13, 2010

Calexander007, <br />
I am not entirely OK with my decision. But I can accept it, I can accept that I cannot change it and that I can move forward. I would give anything to have that day back and not gone through with it, that is the truth. But I know that right now I have a husband who loves me and that one day I will have children and they will be planned. I actually had an IUD inserted after my procedure because I am not for being careless and using abortions as birth control. And naming them actually helped me to cope with my loss, cause yes, it was a loss. It can be so hard to say goodbye when you never said hello. I can never justify what I did, I just know that I had reasons. I wouldn't wish such a tough situation on my worst enemy. I am going to take your advice and seek help. Thank you. I have been searching online for help and I found this site. Thank you for reading between the lines Catherine. I am hurt over my abortion. There isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about them. Thanks again.

Your story points out something many people do not realize -- that it is not that unusual for someone to get pregnant even though they "did everything right" with regard to birth control. <br />
Honey, you don't sound like you're OK with this, what with ex<x>pressions like "double the guilt," "sorry," and naming your children. I think your heart is telling you the truth of the matter. Please don't wait too long to seek help. Rachel's Vineyard offers help to post-abortive women. Love, Catherine

Im in a similar situation right now, Im 20 years old, in college and want to go somewhere in life. I don't even really have a job and my boyfriend and I are miles and miles apart, and although he wants to move to where I am in december, I just dont think financially we could do this. I'm due for my abortion next tuesday and wednesday and I am scared shitless, but I am glad to see that people make it through this.

I'm glad you have such great support from your husband. One day, when you're both ready, you'll be wonderful parents. You made a smart, logical & selfless decision. I feel that my abortion was the right thing for me & one of the best decisions I've ever made.