Not Sure

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right group... But I'm having a really hard time. I am not pregnant, nor have I had an abortion, but my best friend, whom I consider to be my sister, had one in January and is considering another one on Saturday. I know that it is her body and choice, but I am also very affected by her decisions. I don't want to influence her decision because, only she knows what is right for her, so I have not nor do i plan on ever telling her how I feel. I just want to be able to support and comfort her. But I am saddened by losing a nephew, we think that it was a boy, and possibly losing this one too. I just really need some positive words from people who understand what I am going through and/ or what she is going through. How can I stay strong for her? Is it ok to tell her that I am sad? Please help.

And I would also like to add that I do not judge anyone on any past or impending decisions. And thank you for sharing your stories.
Berlinish Berlinish
1 Response Jul 14, 2010

Dear Berlinish, <br />
We should never judge another person's soul (whether they are going to hell), because we cannot possibly know such a thing. But we can and we SHOULD judge behaviors, because we must be able to identify evil so we can avoid it, or help someone else avoid it. You have a right and a responsibility to tell your "sister" that her choice makes you sad, and why. You can do this with love. Supporting someone in the commission of an evil act is wrong; if she chose to kill HERSELF rather than her child, would you say that she had a right to choose suicide? And that as her friend you should support her? What if she were not in her right mind, or did not have all the facts? What kind of friend lets her friend do this? It is NOT her body, it is her child's body -- that is not religion, that is scientific fact. Be an advocate for your sister, for this child, and for yourself -- and tell her lovingly how you feel. You have a moral obligation, and she may actually thank you for it later. Many post-abortive women feel rage toward all those who "supported" them in the worst decision of their lives. She may even now secretly want you to tell her she does not have to do this, that she can "refuse to choose" between her own life and that of her child. I will pray for you to have the strength to do this.<br />
Love, Catherine