Bittersweet

I am 18 years old and about 1 month ago i had an abortion. A* and I have been together for 3 years and about 3 months ago we were just fighting all the time and i wasn't happy. He was always playing on the computer and i felt that i was second to the game world of warcraft. i left late may and moved back in with my parents. i missed him so much and wanted it to be "better", while we were broken up we had sex. mid June i found out i was pregnant. A* seemed excited and afriad just like i was but i never thought it would end in abortion. my mother was 18 when she had me and had a whole lot less than i do at the time and still had me. My family is against abortion while his parents had one when they were are age. i was torn apart. He kept saying it was my decision but deep down i knew he would regret it and be mad at me, i was not about to bring a baby in this world with someone who wasn't happy about it. So on our 2 years and 11 months i had the abortion.  we were stuck in the clinic for 6 hours and it was over. i went home and felt nothing but sadness and while i laid in bed, he was on the computer. i felt that if i gave up the baby for him so he could finish college and have a better life, he would treat me better and love me the way he use too. things didn't change so i left again and moved in with my parents. i was depressed and wanted to kill myself.
i was hanging out with guys and starting to see that maybe i could get over him but first i needed to heal from the abortion. it takes 3 weeks to completly heal but for me it was different. i started getting a burning pain in the inside of my vagina, it hurt so bad i wanted to rip off my vagina. i went to the hospital and the nurse and doctor took one look at my vagina and a tear ran down the nurses face. he said it looked like someone to a meat beater to my insides. He then told me i was allergic to whatever chemicals the used and that i would never be able to have another abortion if i wanted too. Also there is no medication that would help so i had to live with the pain and the burn until time healed it. it was the worst experince of my life. Then i met M* through mutal friends and he was super nice and made me feel like a princess. i told him everything and he didn't judge me. we only were together for a week and then A* ( who i still loved) came back into my life. he was depressed and felt guilty. i met up with him and we talked, us going through what we did made him realize that what i did was for him and not me. we are now back together and i still feel sad for what happened but i am going to go to college and for the summer i work full time. A* and i are madly in love with eachother and are the only people we have been with and i plan on kepping it that way. He no longer plays on the computer and everyday we work on our realtionship. M* still pops in my head time to time but would never be what A* is to me.
hellodani hellodani
18-21
1 Response Jul 19, 2010

Wow it's awful you gave up having kids for him but how usual is that really?